Apparently it's time for Squalo being an emotional open book, because that absolutely gets a reaction out of him too. He widens his eyes - surprise, anger, confusion, maybe even a little bit of regret.
"What?"
That one word feels heavy in his throat. A bunch of recent memories whirl around in his mind. The last time Xanxus was here, how he acted more like himself, how he almost fought Hawke for him, how he seemed to want to do better...
"Are you--" he cuts off. Are you sure that's what he wanted? But there's no reason to doubt this man. Besides, that sounds very much on brand for Xanxus, all things considered. (Unbeknown to the both of them, what he really wanted that information for was to fix whatever was wrong with Squalo... but they might never find that out now.) Squalo shakes his head and starts over, this time with a frown. "Why am I only hearing this now?!"
He was determined to give Xanxus the cold shoulder for a while, but he absolutely would have given him a piece of his mind over hurting Héctor, regardless whether it was his attempt to protect him (unneeded, in his opinion, but he appreciates the loyalty) or not.
He pauses again, sighing, glancing around briefly to make sure there's nobody in immediate earshot.
"I know," he says, somewhere between frustrated and tired. "That's not it. I trust you." For the first time maybe ever, he's not sure if he can trust himself, though. "I'm... confused."
He doesn't understand what's happening, or why. He was supposed to only ever see Xanxus. The thing with Dodger had been easier; it did not get too deep, and the man had treated him shittily enough that it made sense he'd grasped after him as a potential stand-in for his boss, ready to be discarded as soon as he had the original. That had been the plan, not that it worked out in the end.
But this time it was different enough that he had to acknowledge it. He chews on his lip a little. How the fuck does he even begin to explain the issue? Preferably without sounding like a goddamn high school girl? Ugh.
"I think I like -- somebody else. That's not supposed to happen."
Surely Héctor would understand why that was a problem for him. He runs a hand through his hair in frustration.
"Treacherous piece of shit. It's what he said when -- he was here before. Older."
He stops there, but the rest is clear enough. Maybe I really am.
This is more self-doubt than Squalo has expressed in... probably his entire life, maybe aside from that really bad breakdown when he didn't understand why Xanxus abandoned him. It's rather unsettling what Hell does to people.
no subject
"What?"
That one word feels heavy in his throat. A bunch of recent memories whirl around in his mind. The last time Xanxus was here, how he acted more like himself, how he almost fought Hawke for him, how he seemed to want to do better...
"Are you--" he cuts off. Are you sure that's what he wanted? But there's no reason to doubt this man. Besides, that sounds very much on brand for Xanxus, all things considered. (Unbeknown to the both of them, what he really wanted that information for was to fix whatever was wrong with Squalo... but they might never find that out now.) Squalo shakes his head and starts over, this time with a frown. "Why am I only hearing this now?!"
He was determined to give Xanxus the cold shoulder for a while, but he absolutely would have given him a piece of his mind over hurting Héctor, regardless whether it was his attempt to protect him (unneeded, in his opinion, but he appreciates the loyalty) or not.
He pauses again, sighing, glancing around briefly to make sure there's nobody in immediate earshot.
"I know," he says, somewhere between frustrated and tired. "That's not it. I trust you." For the first time maybe ever, he's not sure if he can trust himself, though. "I'm... confused."
He doesn't understand what's happening, or why. He was supposed to only ever see Xanxus. The thing with Dodger had been easier; it did not get too deep, and the man had treated him shittily enough that it made sense he'd grasped after him as a potential stand-in for his boss, ready to be discarded as soon as he had the original. That had been the plan, not that it worked out in the end.
But this time it was different enough that he had to acknowledge it. He chews on his lip a little. How the fuck does he even begin to explain the issue? Preferably without sounding like a goddamn high school girl? Ugh.
"I think I like -- somebody else. That's not supposed to happen."
Surely Héctor would understand why that was a problem for him. He runs a hand through his hair in frustration.
"Treacherous piece of shit. It's what he said when -- he was here before. Older."
He stops there, but the rest is clear enough. Maybe I really am.
This is more self-doubt than Squalo has expressed in... probably his entire life, maybe aside from that really bad breakdown when he didn't understand why Xanxus abandoned him. It's rather unsettling what Hell does to people.