That's not it, he wants to say, but the words just get stuck in his throat. He's heard it all before, how spineless and cowardly and worthless he is. He looks to the side and then to the ground again, ashamed, searching for any kind of an out --
Then Steve goes and says all that. Bum's face flares up a deep red. He nods in embarrassment, then haphazardly shakes his head as if trying to take it back. It's true, of course. He's been obsessed with the thought for months now, what it would be like to be with the man, but... This wasn't how he'd pictured it at all. Once again, reality crushes his expectations in the most cruel possible way.
He's torn. Part of him wants to confirm the implication, hoping both to finally experience it and to appease the other man. Just offer him anything that he wants and he won't hurt him further, right? That's how those things go. It's fine. He's fine. And yet there's a little voice who disagrees, a discontent probably partly cultivated by Steve himself that insists Bum should give more importance to his own wants, that this isn't supposed to include fear or shame, that he's allowed to decide for himself. But... what choices does he have there? Sure, Steve seems off, maybe he's under the influence, but even so Bum can't hope to overpower him enough to get away. And he doesn't know if he wants to. He should take this chance, right? Tell him how he feels, tell him what he wants to do with him. Take him up on that invitation. But if he agreed to it now, would that make him the bad guy? What is he supposed to do?..
"Please let me go," he finally manages, no fight in his tone, just attempted bargaining, but he's still a bit terrified of his own daring to do so. He's staying still otherwise, not wanting to look uncooperative, his breaths getting more shallow and his heartbeat going faster when he feels those teeth on his throat. It's... good, and it scares him. He thought he's gone so far, but he was just going to cave in, wasn't he? Pathetic.
oocly everything is ok, icly nothing is ok and the betrayal is humongous,
Then Steve goes and says all that. Bum's face flares up a deep red. He nods in embarrassment, then haphazardly shakes his head as if trying to take it back. It's true, of course. He's been obsessed with the thought for months now, what it would be like to be with the man, but... This wasn't how he'd pictured it at all. Once again, reality crushes his expectations in the most cruel possible way.
He's torn. Part of him wants to confirm the implication, hoping both to finally experience it and to appease the other man. Just offer him anything that he wants and he won't hurt him further, right? That's how those things go. It's fine. He's fine. And yet there's a little voice who disagrees, a discontent probably partly cultivated by Steve himself that insists Bum should give more importance to his own wants, that this isn't supposed to include fear or shame, that he's allowed to decide for himself. But... what choices does he have there? Sure, Steve seems off, maybe he's under the influence, but even so Bum can't hope to overpower him enough to get away. And he doesn't know if he wants to. He should take this chance, right? Tell him how he feels, tell him what he wants to do with him. Take him up on that invitation. But if he agreed to it now, would that make him the bad guy? What is he supposed to do?..
"Please let me go," he finally manages, no fight in his tone, just attempted bargaining, but he's still a bit terrified of his own daring to do so. He's staying still otherwise, not wanting to look uncooperative, his breaths getting more shallow and his heartbeat going faster when he feels those teeth on his throat. It's... good, and it scares him. He thought he's gone so far, but he was just going to cave in, wasn't he? Pathetic.