Remembering will never not bring pain, even like this, even with L.L's hands stroking through his hair, a comfort even as his mind struggles with memories that he does not want to evoke.

Especially not here and now, not lying in bed with L.L. It feels wrong and weird and painful, especially since none of this has counteracted with the drugs, he's still aroused and he still wants L.L, very much.

He curls up slightly himself as his hair is kissed, relaxing slightly despite all the feelings rushing through him. For a moment he just breathes, a few deep breaths. Hopefully L.L is done with the hard questions.

"Please..." His voice is quiet. "Let me... I can make you feel good." He could, he hoped. L.L could be selfish, Suzaku wouldn't hate him for this at all.