"I . . . I don't have a foolproof plan. It's not something I can control until I know it's happening. It's not like I'm suddenly a different person. It's . . . I . . . " He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

"I didn't realize for a really long time. I think this place has partially rewired by brain. All of the bad emotions, the anger and the jealousy and the vengefulness. That stuff is where I go first now. The bad thoughts are louder and for a while they were drowning out everything else, pushing me to do all those terrible things everybody thinks about, but rarely acts on. And I didn't see it as bad. I didn't see it as me in the wrong. It just seemed . . . reasonable."

Steve shook his head, "It sounds insane to say that, but that's how it was. And then when . . . I can see it now. I can feel it when it starts to happen and I can stop myself, at least so far." He stared at the ground, "I'm not sure who could stop me if I really got going though. Henry maybe, if you can convince him to hurt me. Natasha knows my weaknesses. Bucky has the skills and the power, but I think it might break him . . ." Steve closed his eyes and hung his head. To force his friends to hurt him so he didn't hurt his friends.