[He says it very softly, but there's a white-knuckled desperation to the way he grips the bottle when Garrett passes it over. Awful, too, the way he drinks, mouthful after mouthful, until at last his lungs protest and he sets it down with a heavy thunk.
Did you ever think about killing yourself? Anders' voice rises unexpectedly in his mind, and Fenris bites back a maddened, drunken laugh. There must be things worse than slavery, he'd replied, and yet here he is, and yet here he is, and he might contemplate it if he thought it would do any good.
The color has drained from his cheeks, and for a moment it seems as though he might be teetering on the edge of panic. His breathing is too quick, and thank the Maker they're hidden back here, because at least it feels secluded. Safe, with Garrett at his side.
But then his expression hardens. He takes in a deep breath. And he says grimly:]
So then it becomes a game of survival.
[He meets Garrett's eyes.]
Tell me how to play.
[Who to avoid, what behaviors to adopt-- he will not become a mindless slave again, he refuses, but nor will he rage uselessly. Not yet. He feels numb right now, a veneer as thin as glass, and who knows what will happen when it shatters.]
no subject
[He says it very softly, but there's a white-knuckled desperation to the way he grips the bottle when Garrett passes it over. Awful, too, the way he drinks, mouthful after mouthful, until at last his lungs protest and he sets it down with a heavy thunk.
Did you ever think about killing yourself? Anders' voice rises unexpectedly in his mind, and Fenris bites back a maddened, drunken laugh. There must be things worse than slavery, he'd replied, and yet here he is, and yet here he is, and he might contemplate it if he thought it would do any good.
The color has drained from his cheeks, and for a moment it seems as though he might be teetering on the edge of panic. His breathing is too quick, and thank the Maker they're hidden back here, because at least it feels secluded. Safe, with Garrett at his side.
But then his expression hardens. He takes in a deep breath. And he says grimly:]
So then it becomes a game of survival.
[He meets Garrett's eyes.]
Tell me how to play.
[Who to avoid, what behaviors to adopt-- he will not become a mindless slave again, he refuses, but nor will he rage uselessly. Not yet. He feels numb right now, a veneer as thin as glass, and who knows what will happen when it shatters.]