About facing death, if you'll permit me again... Where I come from, during the time I was coming of age, there was a great war. I was far too young to participate, but there was something admirable about the soldiers. As a child, I could only see them as brave.
Then, as an adult [ loosely speaking; he's seventeen, but has lived alone for a while, ] I saw the city I lived in constantly in unrest. My country lost that war, you see, so there were consequences... In a way, in denying my own coming death, I wanted to deny the unrest of my country. I thought that if I achieved my own personal goal, it could even redeem my country's reputation... I was so foolish. Saying it now, it sounds ridiculous.
But in the end, like I said— it wasn't my illness that killed me. I did something sort of brash and faced consequences for that. But I didn't see them— I mean, truly, I didn't see the man or his gun at all. Now I wonder: had he been in sight, would I have been brave enough to do what I did? Or would I have hesitated anyway? And would it have made a difference?
... I recognize I'm asking you for a lot of answers.
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Then, as an adult [ loosely speaking; he's seventeen, but has lived alone for a while, ] I saw the city I lived in constantly in unrest. My country lost that war, you see, so there were consequences... In a way, in denying my own coming death, I wanted to deny the unrest of my country. I thought that if I achieved my own personal goal, it could even redeem my country's reputation... I was so foolish. Saying it now, it sounds ridiculous.
But in the end, like I said— it wasn't my illness that killed me. I did something sort of brash and faced consequences for that. But I didn't see them— I mean, truly, I didn't see the man or his gun at all. Now I wonder: had he been in sight, would I have been brave enough to do what I did? Or would I have hesitated anyway? And would it have made a difference?
... I recognize I'm asking you for a lot of answers.