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penancememes2021-08-25 12:50 am
penancemods) wrote in penancememes2021-08-25 12:50 am
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TEST DRIVE MEME #27
Arrival
"Judgement has come upon you. God has deemed you worthy of Hell. But don't worry, it can still be undone," comes a soothing voice that echoes all around you. The voice promises comfort, hope even.
It may seem like a nightmare at first, despite all of that. Full of hellfire nipping at your skin and a sensation of being pulled down no matter how much you struggle or cry for help. Wretched, unseen hands pull at you, grip tight at your body, tighten on your throat, skeletal fingers grab at your face, slide in your mouth and jab at your eyes as they struggle for purchase. It feels like for a moment, they may snap your neck as they tug and pull. The more you resist, the more phantom hands are added to your struggling body.
It feels like they could tear you apart if you let them. The only thing to do is to let go and stop fighting.
And so you do.
Darkness and nothingness consumes you for a second, but only a second.
Initially, everyone opens their eyes to a long, dark corridor made of stone. They find themselves in what appears to be a long queue with other sinners, palm bloody.
Characters find their bodies feel heavy and stiff, bruised with odd hand prints here and there that they received during their journey down below. A massive headache throbs behind their temples. They are urged forward to take a numbered ticket and wait their turn in the long line. As they're ushered forward through the corridor, their first stop will be to see Lilith, standing outside her office.
The woman in a smart suit and a friendly smile steps forward to greet sinners one by one. "I'm sorry for your rough landing. We've never gotten it quite as smooth as it was in the past. Please, let me see your hand--"
Once she has the sinner's hand, there's the warm, almost electric touch of magic that soothes away the aches and pains, heals the wound left behind on each sinner's palm. Lilith looks satisfied with her work and gives a nod. "There, all better. Please continue on until you reach Death's office. He'll have your contracts ready for you."
There's a slightly wicked twist to her lips. "Please do feel free to ask him about any of those sins listed..."
And so on, sinners travel until they finally arrived at another office where Death sits waiting. Here is where you'll receive a contract detailing all sins committed. If they look at the list closely enough they'll notice it's written on with their blood. That explains the wound then. It's an old piece of parchment despite the freshly written letters upon it. Death will also provide slightly more modern smart phone. Think early generation Android.
Seems as though Hell has moved on up from the very old Blackberry type phone.
Once characters have their device and their contracts, they're ushered further down the hall. It seems to go on and wind forever, but eventually, they come upon the lobby of Penance hotel. Once there, they will notice several shops and other areas around the front desk.
The demon at the front desk looks rather bored, but when sinners approach? He seems to snap to attention to offer whatever help they might need of him. He will at least direct to food or rooms to rest their wary bodies, or recommend sights to see around the hotel.
Stand Your Ground While the Mares have gone, as per Death's bargain with God, and reconstructing Penance is coming along fairly well, the air is carrying with it a cold crispness that sends a chill down one's spine. Lucifer is still nowhere to be found, and if pressured, staff will say he's having talks with the other Lords of Hell, as well as God himself. Things need to be worked out, no matter how difficult it is for Lucifer to accept and swallow his pride. He won't be around to offer warmth to the Penance community and it may, in fact, be mirroring his current mood.
Or it may be the creeping sense of doom that's following so many around now that The Veiled Order has been able to nearly complete their next spell. Local demons will plainly say that God won't help them against this threat, that he doesn't care if Hell is destroyed, and others will be very hush about the situation entirely. No need to scare the local sinners, new or old!
Instead just enjoy the reopening businesses around the local area! Nothing is off-limits. Hellburbia seems to have suffered some extensive damage recently, but not to worry! There's talk of building back better than ever.
Other than that, Helluva Cup has a new spiced drink... and spiced everything. That's right! Pumpkin spice has apparently come early this year... and it may be a bit overpowering and in everything in the coffee shop, regardless of what you order. Even Bean, the 'friendly' hell rat the owner keeps in the shop seems to be feasting on pumpkin flavored meat. That's probably okay. Right?
Penance Library is offering a special reading of Leviathan-specific reads. The local goblins will be doing readings every afternoon for all who care to listen or to stick around and discuss it. These will all be fictional in nature, not historic texts.
Strangely enough, there seems to be a sort of curfew happening. While everyone will not be expected to be in the hotel necessarily, they must take shelter in the newly opened Club Penance, Casino Styx, Hella Shorty's, or other establishments. They must either stay the night in these establishments or be escorted to the hotel by demonic guards. These guards will be doing rounds around the Penance community to ensure no one is out alone. Do not fight them or they may surprise you with how strong they can be.
Additionally, anyone caught defying curfew knowingly or fighting back will be locked in their rooms for up to three days as a potential danger to the community as a whole. There are all sorts of dangers lurking out there and the demons are absolutely trying to keep everyone as safe as they can!
Otherwise, it's business as usual around Penance, so go on an exploration! Bundle up against the cold! Have fun!
Reach Up High WARNINGS: cutting, blood, torture
Whether you've been here for months or you're freshly arrived, your demonic overlord unfortunately expects some participation despite the current state of things. You can try and shirk the responsibility, of course. You can bargain your way out of it for a while. But eventually, you may find yourself trapped in a room just off the gym that's been fondly dubbed The Torture Room. It has all manner of equipment in there, along with an iron maiden even.
But don't worry about any of that right now. It probably won't be used.
You can try the door, but even with super human strength or every lock picking skill in the book, you won't be able to open it.
It soon becomes apparent what you're supposed to do when someone else is eventually shoved in with you. Both of your lists of sins will appear on a table that's been placed in the center of the room with two handy knives. You can choose to guard these or not care at all that they're on display.
"Unfortunately, due to Father coming back into the picture, I know that He will demand punishment be delivered despite our circumstances. I have chosen a rather easy one, focused on honesty and acceptance of your sins. Please pick up a knife and choose a sin from each of your lists to carve upon your skin. Aid each other in your journey, carve the words to help your fellow penitent be candid with everyone around them!"
The voice rings out within the sinners' heads as it always does, although Lucifer seems agitated at the moment, hesitant in some way that he usually isn't.
"I do apologize for this. If it was up to me, you would have been free of additional torment this month. However, there will be additional incentive for anyone who should try to resist the task I've appointed them."
It isn't a lie nor an idle threat either. The longer you wait to do what's been requested of you, the more shallow cuts that will appear on both of your bodies. Are you really prepared to endure this pain when giving in would be so much easier?
And more than that, are you willing to let another suffer along with you?
Eventually, the cuts will stop if you suffer them long enough, but you'll have failed this challenge and sustained more damage than if you'd just gone along with it. Satan will also be very disappointed in you.
Follow Me Down
Prompt I: Reopening WARNINGS: sex, drugs, alcohol, aphrodisiacs, body changes, potential kinks, violence, potential non-con or dub-con.
Club Penance is finally back! And with themed nights to start off all the fun. This night's theme is: Anything But Clothes. Guests who enter the adult oriented side of the club will notice the incubi and succubi who serve in it are entirely without clothes (and any ounce of shame!). They're eager to get right back to business. They're very encouraging of others to do the same whether it be immediately or in sexy strip shows.
On their trays, they offer drinks and drugs of all sorts. Shows are being put on on the stage as usual, the offer of sex demos with guest participation are still on the table.
As usual, these demons play under respectable rules in the club, safe words and all. They will also gladly exit the stage and let guests entirely run the show. They're on their best behavior tonight, even if the natural aphrodisiacs they give off seem to be amped up
Guests who refused to undress may also find their clothes randomly disappearing, or being torn off by some eager patron or demon who is a bit too into the theme! Ah, well, no need to worry too much. There will be costumes and lingerie to slip on to go home in. There's absolutely nothing wrong with a walk of shame back to the hotel in nothing but a thong, they'll assure. It's just another night in Hell.
For those who are really adventurous, there are also special concoctions that the club offers. These include:
For the dance oriented portion of the club, the theme is a little more lax. Instead of outright nakedness, patrons may be offered revealing clubwear instead. Things that will look mesmerizing in the lights of the club ranging from neon colors to clothes that seem to flash on the dance floor. The music will be thrumming in the air, pumping down to your very bones as you dance the night away, and all patrons will feel good. It will feel as if they could actually dance all night if they so wanted, even without the aid of any drugs.
It will be an all night rave with all the party drugs and drinks one could want! Live music plays all night. The band also loves to receive requests, so knock yourself out! They seem to strangely know any song they're asked to play.
Knock yourself out, give up any care in the world and have fun. You're already in Hell, so don't you deserve to feel good for a while?
Prompt II: Your Average Hotel Night WARNINGS: Alcohol and drug abuse, potential non-con/dub-con
With all the sinners, new and old, the hotel bar will be lit up with activity. Drinks will be readily available, there's food in the kitchens if anyone wants to bother serving it, music will be blaring whenever there's electricity, and overall, there will be an energy to the atmosphere that's absolutely contagious. Even if you aren't typically inclined to linger at these sorts of events there may be be a certain pull to stay and have a bit of fun.
You might not get much of a chance to have that in Hell, after all. One drink won't hurt, right? Nor will one more after that, and after that. Ah, sweet gluttony. Why not have a pastry next? There's some delectable sweets available just a few steps away. More of a meat person? Like things salty? Fear not, it looks like someone graciously brought all sorts of snacks and foodstuffs from the kitchens to the bar as the night progresses. Indulge! You deserve it.
Similar to Club Penance, the bar also has every sort of drug available that might tickle your fancy and some you've never heard of. There's no harm in experimenting, is there? You're already in Hell. The staff will offer to show anyone how to use the drugs or give advice for what to try if you tell them what you want to experience. Shockingly, they won't lie! Their advice is good word its just you might not have been exactly prepared for it.
There's a stage and a karaoke machine for those feeling brave or just wanting to torture people with some sweet, sweet renditions of The Devil Went Down to Georgia.
There are tables set up for all sorts of gambling and various bar games to entertain yourself with. Since currency as most are familiar with it doesn't quite exist down here, most of the demons seem to be accepting bits of your soul or offers to do chores around the hotel. You may also get pulled into a fun game of strip poker against one of your fellow guests for a few succubi that are having a night out.
Relax and enjoy your night. Coming here and facing your sins is the hard part, so surely you deserve to have a little fun.
Wildcard/Misc. Don't see something you love but still want to get a feel for the game? Check out our extensive list of LOCATIONS and write up your very own prompt however you'd like to! You can also add a "NETWORK" post option to your TL for quick, easy, and fun interactions.
And without further ado: Welcome to our new TDM for the September 1st app round! As always, potential appers and characters already in game are welcomed to jump right in! This TDM counts as an additional game event as well as game canon for those coming into the game. If you app and are accepted, TDM tags become game canon and can be used for AC! Please have fun and don't hesitate to ask any questions you might have down below.
If you have questions, comments, suggestions, etc., go here.
Navigation
| Premise
| Arrival
| FAQ
Rules | Taken | Reserves | Applications
Network | Logs | OOC | Memes
It may seem like a nightmare at first, despite all of that. Full of hellfire nipping at your skin and a sensation of being pulled down no matter how much you struggle or cry for help. Wretched, unseen hands pull at you, grip tight at your body, tighten on your throat, skeletal fingers grab at your face, slide in your mouth and jab at your eyes as they struggle for purchase. It feels like for a moment, they may snap your neck as they tug and pull. The more you resist, the more phantom hands are added to your struggling body.
It feels like they could tear you apart if you let them. The only thing to do is to let go and stop fighting.
And so you do.
Darkness and nothingness consumes you for a second, but only a second.
Initially, everyone opens their eyes to a long, dark corridor made of stone. They find themselves in what appears to be a long queue with other sinners, palm bloody.
Characters find their bodies feel heavy and stiff, bruised with odd hand prints here and there that they received during their journey down below. A massive headache throbs behind their temples. They are urged forward to take a numbered ticket and wait their turn in the long line. As they're ushered forward through the corridor, their first stop will be to see Lilith, standing outside her office.
The woman in a smart suit and a friendly smile steps forward to greet sinners one by one. "I'm sorry for your rough landing. We've never gotten it quite as smooth as it was in the past. Please, let me see your hand--"
Once she has the sinner's hand, there's the warm, almost electric touch of magic that soothes away the aches and pains, heals the wound left behind on each sinner's palm. Lilith looks satisfied with her work and gives a nod. "There, all better. Please continue on until you reach Death's office. He'll have your contracts ready for you."
There's a slightly wicked twist to her lips. "Please do feel free to ask him about any of those sins listed..."
And so on, sinners travel until they finally arrived at another office where Death sits waiting. Here is where you'll receive a contract detailing all sins committed. If they look at the list closely enough they'll notice it's written on with their blood. That explains the wound then. It's an old piece of parchment despite the freshly written letters upon it. Death will also provide slightly more modern smart phone. Think early generation Android.
Seems as though Hell has moved on up from the very old Blackberry type phone.
Once characters have their device and their contracts, they're ushered further down the hall. It seems to go on and wind forever, but eventually, they come upon the lobby of Penance hotel. Once there, they will notice several shops and other areas around the front desk.
The demon at the front desk looks rather bored, but when sinners approach? He seems to snap to attention to offer whatever help they might need of him. He will at least direct to food or rooms to rest their wary bodies, or recommend sights to see around the hotel.
Stand Your Ground While the Mares have gone, as per Death's bargain with God, and reconstructing Penance is coming along fairly well, the air is carrying with it a cold crispness that sends a chill down one's spine. Lucifer is still nowhere to be found, and if pressured, staff will say he's having talks with the other Lords of Hell, as well as God himself. Things need to be worked out, no matter how difficult it is for Lucifer to accept and swallow his pride. He won't be around to offer warmth to the Penance community and it may, in fact, be mirroring his current mood.
Or it may be the creeping sense of doom that's following so many around now that The Veiled Order has been able to nearly complete their next spell. Local demons will plainly say that God won't help them against this threat, that he doesn't care if Hell is destroyed, and others will be very hush about the situation entirely. No need to scare the local sinners, new or old!
Instead just enjoy the reopening businesses around the local area! Nothing is off-limits. Hellburbia seems to have suffered some extensive damage recently, but not to worry! There's talk of building back better than ever.
Other than that, Helluva Cup has a new spiced drink... and spiced everything. That's right! Pumpkin spice has apparently come early this year... and it may be a bit overpowering and in everything in the coffee shop, regardless of what you order. Even Bean, the 'friendly' hell rat the owner keeps in the shop seems to be feasting on pumpkin flavored meat. That's probably okay. Right?
Penance Library is offering a special reading of Leviathan-specific reads. The local goblins will be doing readings every afternoon for all who care to listen or to stick around and discuss it. These will all be fictional in nature, not historic texts.
Strangely enough, there seems to be a sort of curfew happening. While everyone will not be expected to be in the hotel necessarily, they must take shelter in the newly opened Club Penance, Casino Styx, Hella Shorty's, or other establishments. They must either stay the night in these establishments or be escorted to the hotel by demonic guards. These guards will be doing rounds around the Penance community to ensure no one is out alone. Do not fight them or they may surprise you with how strong they can be.
Additionally, anyone caught defying curfew knowingly or fighting back will be locked in their rooms for up to three days as a potential danger to the community as a whole. There are all sorts of dangers lurking out there and the demons are absolutely trying to keep everyone as safe as they can!
Otherwise, it's business as usual around Penance, so go on an exploration! Bundle up against the cold! Have fun!
Reach Up High WARNINGS: cutting, blood, torture
Whether you've been here for months or you're freshly arrived, your demonic overlord unfortunately expects some participation despite the current state of things. You can try and shirk the responsibility, of course. You can bargain your way out of it for a while. But eventually, you may find yourself trapped in a room just off the gym that's been fondly dubbed The Torture Room. It has all manner of equipment in there, along with an iron maiden even.
But don't worry about any of that right now. It probably won't be used.
You can try the door, but even with super human strength or every lock picking skill in the book, you won't be able to open it.
It soon becomes apparent what you're supposed to do when someone else is eventually shoved in with you. Both of your lists of sins will appear on a table that's been placed in the center of the room with two handy knives. You can choose to guard these or not care at all that they're on display.
"Unfortunately, due to Father coming back into the picture, I know that He will demand punishment be delivered despite our circumstances. I have chosen a rather easy one, focused on honesty and acceptance of your sins. Please pick up a knife and choose a sin from each of your lists to carve upon your skin. Aid each other in your journey, carve the words to help your fellow penitent be candid with everyone around them!"
The voice rings out within the sinners' heads as it always does, although Lucifer seems agitated at the moment, hesitant in some way that he usually isn't.
"I do apologize for this. If it was up to me, you would have been free of additional torment this month. However, there will be additional incentive for anyone who should try to resist the task I've appointed them."
It isn't a lie nor an idle threat either. The longer you wait to do what's been requested of you, the more shallow cuts that will appear on both of your bodies. Are you really prepared to endure this pain when giving in would be so much easier?
And more than that, are you willing to let another suffer along with you?
Eventually, the cuts will stop if you suffer them long enough, but you'll have failed this challenge and sustained more damage than if you'd just gone along with it. Satan will also be very disappointed in you.
Follow Me Down
Prompt I: Reopening WARNINGS: sex, drugs, alcohol, aphrodisiacs, body changes, potential kinks, violence, potential non-con or dub-con.
Club Penance is finally back! And with themed nights to start off all the fun. This night's theme is: Anything But Clothes. Guests who enter the adult oriented side of the club will notice the incubi and succubi who serve in it are entirely without clothes (and any ounce of shame!). They're eager to get right back to business. They're very encouraging of others to do the same whether it be immediately or in sexy strip shows.
On their trays, they offer drinks and drugs of all sorts. Shows are being put on on the stage as usual, the offer of sex demos with guest participation are still on the table.
As usual, these demons play under respectable rules in the club, safe words and all. They will also gladly exit the stage and let guests entirely run the show. They're on their best behavior tonight, even if the natural aphrodisiacs they give off seem to be amped up
Guests who refused to undress may also find their clothes randomly disappearing, or being torn off by some eager patron or demon who is a bit too into the theme! Ah, well, no need to worry too much. There will be costumes and lingerie to slip on to go home in. There's absolutely nothing wrong with a walk of shame back to the hotel in nothing but a thong, they'll assure. It's just another night in Hell.
For those who are really adventurous, there are also special concoctions that the club offers. These include:
Frenzy ○ The drug will be given to anyone anyone who asks for it. It can be snorted, injected, taken in pill form, or smoked given user preference.
Despite the questionable name, guests who partake really will feel the best they've possibly ever felt. They won't need sleep or to rest, but they won't necessarily feel the strain on their bodies either. They'll be full of energy and their mood will be amazing with no hint of nightmares or dreams anywhere.
The demons won't let anyone come down either, not once they've started and not until they're told a guest doesn't want any more.
Even then, they may still try to convince them otherwise. It's a party for as long as you can go, or until you completely burn out, it seems.
But with all good things come bad. It seems a side-effect of the drug is an actual frenzy as well. A frenzy for sex or violence or anything a character might want that they deny themselves on the regular. They'll feel this growing hunger, this ravenous need to have and to claim everything they think is theirs.
Some may even fade away into an almost animalistic sort of state.
The more the guest takes, the more they'll experience this sensation. Fighting it won't help either. Though they did sort of bring that one on themselves, didn't they?
Other symptoms of coming down won't be too different to those of other drugs. Fatigue, depression. Guests will begin to feel the effects of staying up for so long without rest or stopping to take care of themselves. They may also feel a certain longing for more, but it can be fought off with enough strength of will.
The drug isn't free either. The succubi expect to be paid in energy or through actual work in the club.
Bond ○ A potion that will bond guests together the minute one speaks to the other. The encouragement is that this should be done consensually, but the demons won't necessarily be checking. Once bonded, guests will feel what the one who took the potion feels. This includes pain and pleasure both with effects lasting a full night. Give someone the most intense pleasure of their lives or torture them until they beg for mercy!
For a really intense experience, both participants can consume the potion with mutual effects.
For the dance oriented portion of the club, the theme is a little more lax. Instead of outright nakedness, patrons may be offered revealing clubwear instead. Things that will look mesmerizing in the lights of the club ranging from neon colors to clothes that seem to flash on the dance floor. The music will be thrumming in the air, pumping down to your very bones as you dance the night away, and all patrons will feel good. It will feel as if they could actually dance all night if they so wanted, even without the aid of any drugs.
It will be an all night rave with all the party drugs and drinks one could want! Live music plays all night. The band also loves to receive requests, so knock yourself out! They seem to strangely know any song they're asked to play.
Knock yourself out, give up any care in the world and have fun. You're already in Hell, so don't you deserve to feel good for a while?
Prompt II: Your Average Hotel Night WARNINGS: Alcohol and drug abuse, potential non-con/dub-con
With all the sinners, new and old, the hotel bar will be lit up with activity. Drinks will be readily available, there's food in the kitchens if anyone wants to bother serving it, music will be blaring whenever there's electricity, and overall, there will be an energy to the atmosphere that's absolutely contagious. Even if you aren't typically inclined to linger at these sorts of events there may be be a certain pull to stay and have a bit of fun.
You might not get much of a chance to have that in Hell, after all. One drink won't hurt, right? Nor will one more after that, and after that. Ah, sweet gluttony. Why not have a pastry next? There's some delectable sweets available just a few steps away. More of a meat person? Like things salty? Fear not, it looks like someone graciously brought all sorts of snacks and foodstuffs from the kitchens to the bar as the night progresses. Indulge! You deserve it.
Similar to Club Penance, the bar also has every sort of drug available that might tickle your fancy and some you've never heard of. There's no harm in experimenting, is there? You're already in Hell. The staff will offer to show anyone how to use the drugs or give advice for what to try if you tell them what you want to experience. Shockingly, they won't lie! Their advice is good word its just you might not have been exactly prepared for it.
There's a stage and a karaoke machine for those feeling brave or just wanting to torture people with some sweet, sweet renditions of The Devil Went Down to Georgia.
There are tables set up for all sorts of gambling and various bar games to entertain yourself with. Since currency as most are familiar with it doesn't quite exist down here, most of the demons seem to be accepting bits of your soul or offers to do chores around the hotel. You may also get pulled into a fun game of strip poker against one of your fellow guests for a few succubi that are having a night out.
Relax and enjoy your night. Coming here and facing your sins is the hard part, so surely you deserve to have a little fun.
Wildcard/Misc. Don't see something you love but still want to get a feel for the game? Check out our extensive list of LOCATIONS and write up your very own prompt however you'd like to! You can also add a "NETWORK" post option to your TL for quick, easy, and fun interactions.
And without further ado: Welcome to our new TDM for the September 1st app round! As always, potential appers and characters already in game are welcomed to jump right in! This TDM counts as an additional game event as well as game canon for those coming into the game. If you app and are accepted, TDM tags become game canon and can be used for AC! Please have fun and don't hesitate to ask any questions you might have down below.
If you have questions, comments, suggestions, etc., go here.
Rules | Taken | Reserves | Applications
Network | Logs | OOC | Memes
no subject
As much as anyone can make it out of that mess. [ She blows out a breath. She might need something stronger than books to get back on track with forgetting now. ] I guess you didn't go to the hospital and all...
[ Because she'd definitely looked for him. Hoped for him. Trauma had a way of creating deep bonds! Or leading to situations like this, where they can't seem to speak more than a few words at a time to each other.
And then, yep. Confirmation she'll need something stronger. Because what? She almost mirrors him and spits out the coffee she'd been drinking, but she manages to choke it down. ]
Did I what?
[ Her eyes flicker this way and that as she thinks on that more. Then...she just sighs. Suddenly, a lot makes sense. How else would they go from reconnecting (somewhat) on the island then somehow back to radio silence? So many times, she'd been tempted to recreate the moment early in their relationship where he accused her of ghosting. A lot held her back, though.
There's a weary sort of resignation in her expression as she sighs again and rubs a hand over her face. With that, the mask of normalcy seems to slip, and she appears just as exhausted as him. Keeping up the charade of being okay wasn't something she could manage anymore. ]
I talked to him at that ball back at Mammon's place. I didn't mean to tell him what happened. It honestly slipped out. [ Her head shakes a little before she leans back in the chair to stare up at the ceiling. ] I told him not to do anything. I...was afraid he'd try to hurt you.
[ He gets a glance before she presses her eyes shut tightly. ] He didn't...did he? I haven't really talked to him much since then.
no subject
[ Which doesn't say much for the hurt his words inflicted -- the accusation about the sort of god he was, the expectation that he needed to be better. Tech had to stand face to face with his worst parts and realize no matter what he does, he's doomed to hurt people, that he's just not good enough to be their god. And like it always was in his world, his pain just doesn't matter. Monika said it best. No matter what he does, he'll always be alone. ]
I was able to get him to back down when I told him I was getting repairs. But that was only another lie.
[ His eyes veer toward his phone again. ]
It was like he thought I was some kind of mass murderer who's out to kill all tech when they displease me or something.
[ A brief glance meets her gaze again and then Tech shrugs, shaking it off. ]
It doesn't matter.
[ These were his burdens to bear and she was no longer the person to confide them in. It's him. Alone. ]
He cares about you. It's good you have someone like that.
no subject
[ There'd been a temptation to dance around what she ultimately wanted to say, but screw it. None of that other stuff matters. Well, it does. It's horrible. But ultimately, everything comes down to how her yearning for him had only increased tenfold. It's probably why she pushed Mega away. She must've unconsciously sensed he was going to try to ruin something special. ]
No one here is. No matter how hard I try to pretend.
[ Her eyes finally open, and they're a bit damp, she finds. Nothing more coffee can't fix, right? Or maybe more books, or champagne, or who-knows-what from some random demon. Everything was going to circle back to him anyway. May as well feel good while she spirals down a drain.
After straightening up, she gulps down a majority of the remaining coffee. Maybe the caffeine rush would be a nice substitute for the peaceful lull of alcohol she's craving instead. ]
Like. How'd we end up like this?
[ It's asked without expecting an answer. A million of them are already sprouting up as she tosses it out into the atmosphere. ]
If this had happened when we first met, you'd probably have rolled your eyes at everything. Said "eff all this" and joke about smacking a few computers around, just to show how cool you are. Then I'd laugh and maybe do something dumb, like offer you my butt to get you started. You know, if I even wanted to admit I was anything like a computer. Then we'd continue on like nothing was wrong with us.
[ She laughs softly. Those were the days. Everything was perfect. A perfect storm, brewing on the horizon and looming ever closer, but perfect nonetheless. ]
But now, we care. And you're going to keep pulling away and I'll allow it, because hey, I deserve it. [ Another laugh, sadder this time, as her gaze drifts elsewhere. ] "It's so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone." Steinbeck. [ She adds that needlessly, knowing he'd immediately recognize it anyway. ] I wonder what it'd be like if we never turned the light on.
no subject
I don't know. Better in some ways, probably. Less painful for sure. But there's no scenario where that wouldn't have happened. I always would have found you.
[ The smoke billows away from his lips, curling into itself and fading into the background. Tech watches it. ]
Mega said you want things that aren't good for you, and I gotta wonder if this is the case here.
[ He should leave it at that. That should be the end of it and no more words should come spewing forth. But with her close again, he can't help but entertain thoughts he really shouldn't entertain. He killed her, but then he died to save her. And in all of that death, the underlying feelings never died. They got twisted and warped, a volatile pendulum swinging from resentment to yearning, but they were still there. Even now. Especially now. ]
If we were to give it another go, it couldn't be the same. We're both married to other people now...
[ He had heard Monika's name called at least once at the ball. He doesn't know if she had heard his, though. Either way, she was bound to find out about him and Hazel at some point, so might as well come clean about it now. ]
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Again, laughter. It'd be nice to do that again. To be high. To care so much less. ]
Mega says a lot of things.
[ Monika polishes off the coffee, tossing the cup over her shoulder with no care where it lands. Those words along with taking time to swallow everything down buys her more time to digest everything TB's said. Essentially, he's on the same page. With their connection, they were inevitable. Destined.
Adam and Eve.
Blowing out a sigh, she crosses her legs, tugging at one thigh-high sock. The air had been pretty nippy lately, forcing her to drag those back out after a long time. It only felt colder now. ]
I'm lucky. I've got spouses.
[ Even more laughter, this time sounding unhinged. Really living up to her typical nature, isn't she? Even if it was forced. She just couldn't seem to quit being horrible. She shakes her head, gritting her teeth at the way her throat is tightening. There was always something. Always. ]
I need to divorce them. I keep telling myself that. [ She buries her head in her hands. ] But I keep clinging to those poor excuses for relationships. At least I can kind of get a hint of how things felt with you. Imagining I'm somehow your wife, and everything's okay, and I wasn't so stupid...
[ No. No. She breathes out hard, sits up, and gets herself together. No more breakdowns. She was strong. She was fine.
The look she turns his way is serious. A bit hard. ]
Look. You obviously know I'm involved with multiple people. I know you are, too. [ Her eyes flicker away for a split second, shades of her old jealousy showing. ] What are we supposed to do about it?
[ Because she knows that's not an answer she should try to seek on her own. Not again. ]
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So he doesn't know how to answer her question about what they're supposed to do now. He doesn't really have an answer. The vape pen casually twirls between fingers -- newly revamped and repaired. It had gotten soaked when that boat had crashed, so that was just one of the many projects he had taken on when he had a whole lot of time to kill. ]
What do you want to do about it? Obviously I'm never gonna be enough for you, Monika.
[ And that statement doesn't take on a bitter note. It's spoken more as a matter of fact. Because that's what it is now. Pure fact. If he was ever going to be enough, she wouldn't have had all those partners in the first place. ]
I'm not here to be a fucking pokemon, you know. [ He says with a little smile and a touch of mirth. He's not sure if she gets the reference, but he adds on: ] Gotta catch 'em all.
[ The smile gradually fades to another drag off the vape pen. ]
I don't have it in me to offer love. Not anymore. I'm always gonna care about you, but I'm not doing the love thing again.
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Blowing out a sigh, she stares down at her fidgeting fingers, now having her turn at regretting having nothing to occupy her hands. A lot runs through her mind about how to proceed. Should she give up all her other relationships and go all in on him, even if it won't be what it used to be? Select just a few? Don't bother to try anything at all?
She glances up with a weak and lopsided smile. ]
Ahaha. I'd rather not be with a weird little creature, yeah.
[ What a lame joke. She sighs again. Her eyes follow the fading tendrils of vapor. A bit more thinking, then... ]
Don't love me, then.
[ It's settled. She stands, smoothing her skirt before stepping over to him and stopping a few feet away. I'll just find love elsewhere, she assures herself. I can find love elsewhere. Maybe I don't even need it. It all distracts her from the pain of hearing he can't offer her what she could never seem to give up. ]
Just...give me what you can. [ One of her hands is held out, palm up, and she hopes he'll take hold of it. ] I'll take it.