[ Oh, boy. It's definitely a good thing Jane doesn't know about Wayfarer 515. She's sworn off heroin after it, you know, literally killed her but the resulting guilt spiral from hearing about that could easily spend her into a full-on tailspin of unending hard drug use.
Hopefully that doesn't happen. Hopefully.
When he says he doesn't remember it specifically, she nods. She's tempted to ask him how he thinks he died, but maybe it's better for him that he doesn't have to know.
Jane takes a deep breath. ]
Y-Yeah. Jesse doesn't either.
[ She glances towards the coffee bar and tries to force a smile. But she doesn't walk towards it. Her feet feel rooted to the spot. ] Wow. Right there the whole time. Can't believe I missed it. [ But her heart's not in it. She keeps speaking without moving. ]
I do. I overdosed. I don't know if Jesse told you or not. But I remember the whole thing. Or most of it, anyway. So if he didn't tell you, well, there you go. Now you know. [ Another deep breath. She's still not crying, there's no tears and her voice is steady, but every deep breath is reminiscent of a person struggling to breathe during a teary meltdown. ] If you want to tell me what you think happened to you, you can. Or don't. No judgment either way. [ Very, VERY slight pause. ] Unless it was a skiing accident. Skiing is for douchebags.
[ She takes yet another deep breath and wonders why she remembers and they don't. Maybe, she thinks, having to remember is part of her torture, or at least part of some lesson she's supposed to learn. Maybe some people remember because they have to. Or maybe it's just dumb random bad luck. Who knows. Not her.
She glances back at Saul, finally taking her eyes away from the table with the drinks, since she isn't moving towards it anyway. ]
You know what, I should go. I think I've told you enough. But--- [ Deep, DEEP breath. ] Since you're Jesse's friend, I... I wanted to ask for a favor from you. If you want. I know we just met. I can do something for you too, if you want. [ She bites her lip. A tiny, tiny sliver of a genuine smile pokes through. ] Not, like, tie-you-up-and-spank-you-with-a-riding-crop something, but something.
[ Impulsively she reaches out to grab a hand, and if he doesn't pull away first, she'll grasp it. Then she'll look down from his face to their joined hands. She's unsure if the touch is welcome or not, but she hopes it's not invading his space too much. ]
I need someone to make sure I stay clean. I mean it. No alcohol, no drugs, no anything. Not even weed. Cigarettes are okay, but that's. It... it... I--- I can't do it by myself and I can't ask Jesse. It wouldn't be fair to him. I can't put that on him after everything he's been through already. [ Especially not when he has his own struggles with substance abuse as it is; hard to keep someone else accountable when you have enough on your plate worrying about yourself. ]
Is that something you can do, Saul? I know it's a lot, I know we just met, but Jesse trusts you and I thought, well, maybe if he does I can too--- I mean, if that's okay---
[ She pauses, and shivers, and waits for his response. ]
no subject
Hopefully that doesn't happen. Hopefully.
When he says he doesn't remember it specifically, she nods. She's tempted to ask him how he thinks he died, but maybe it's better for him that he doesn't have to know.
Jane takes a deep breath. ]
Y-Yeah. Jesse doesn't either.
[ She glances towards the coffee bar and tries to force a smile. But she doesn't walk towards it. Her feet feel rooted to the spot. ] Wow. Right there the whole time. Can't believe I missed it. [ But her heart's not in it. She keeps speaking without moving. ]
I do. I overdosed. I don't know if Jesse told you or not. But I remember the whole thing. Or most of it, anyway. So if he didn't tell you, well, there you go. Now you know. [ Another deep breath. She's still not crying, there's no tears and her voice is steady, but every deep breath is reminiscent of a person struggling to breathe during a teary meltdown. ] If you want to tell me what you think happened to you, you can. Or don't. No judgment either way. [ Very, VERY slight pause. ] Unless it was a skiing accident. Skiing is for douchebags.
[ She takes yet another deep breath and wonders why she remembers and they don't. Maybe, she thinks, having to remember is part of her torture, or at least part of some lesson she's supposed to learn. Maybe some people remember because they have to. Or maybe it's just dumb random bad luck. Who knows. Not her.
She glances back at Saul, finally taking her eyes away from the table with the drinks, since she isn't moving towards it anyway. ]
You know what, I should go. I think I've told you enough. But--- [ Deep, DEEP breath. ] Since you're Jesse's friend, I... I wanted to ask for a favor from you. If you want. I know we just met. I can do something for you too, if you want. [ She bites her lip. A tiny, tiny sliver of a genuine smile pokes through. ] Not, like, tie-you-up-and-spank-you-with-a-riding-crop something, but something.
[ Impulsively she reaches out to grab a hand, and if he doesn't pull away first, she'll grasp it. Then she'll look down from his face to their joined hands. She's unsure if the touch is welcome or not, but she hopes it's not invading his space too much. ]
I need someone to make sure I stay clean. I mean it. No alcohol, no drugs, no anything. Not even weed. Cigarettes are okay, but that's. It... it... I--- I can't do it by myself and I can't ask Jesse. It wouldn't be fair to him. I can't put that on him after everything he's been through already. [ Especially not when he has his own struggles with substance abuse as it is; hard to keep someone else accountable when you have enough on your plate worrying about yourself. ]
Is that something you can do, Saul? I know it's a lot, I know we just met, but Jesse trusts you and I thought, well, maybe if he does I can too--- I mean, if that's okay---
[ She pauses, and shivers, and waits for his response. ]