TEST DRIVE MEME #4

[penancemods]

ARRIVAL

You remember a dream.

Or maybe nightmare is more accurate.

It was full of hellfire nipping at your skin and a sensation of being pulled down no matter how much you struggle or cry for help. There's a voice that feels like it's coming from all around you at once. Contrasting with the nightmare unfolding around you, it's smooth as silk. It makes you want to listen with every bit of attention you can muster in the moment.

"Judgement has come upon you, but not to worry. It can still be undone."

The voice promises you redemption for your sins. It promises you a better life and everything you could ever want, if only you just stop struggling so much.

And so you do.


Everyone wakes up in the same room initially. The room is done up in red with a cushy bed, a window, an old TV in the corner on a desk, and a few Hieronymus Bosch paintings lining the wall. There's a bathroom to clean up in and any belongings will be sat around the room to be gathered later. There's a duffel bag provided for your convenience.

After feeling a sensation of falling or dropping onto the bed, characters wake up feeling like they've just slept for a week. Their body will feel heavy and stiff, they'll have a massive headache at first.

They'll quickly notice the list of their sins written with their blood on a bedside table on an old piece of parchment. This will mean the list is tied to them and can't be changed or tampered with. They'll also receive their device to connect with others and the network. It won't be anything terribly fancy. As a matter of fact, it looks like a very old Blackberry type phone.

Once characters are ready to leave the room, they'll head down long, winding halls. They're dimly lit and ominous feeling. They may encounter fellow sinners or demonic staff that will direct the newcomer down to the lobby to get their actual room key to settle in. They may be pushy, they may border on courteous. It really just depends on the mood of the staff at the time and how they're treated in return. Eventually, everyone comes to stairs that lead downward.



Once down to the lobby, you'll notice the front desk manned by a demon who looks bored out of its mind. To the side of him is the door to the kitchen where guests may help themselves. To the right is a small duty free shop that seems to have a surprisingly normal, expected stock of items. Look around a bit further, there will be a tiny bar tucked in through a corner door. It seems pretty well-stocked and best of all, self-serve if you want to get away from your demonic hosts for a bit. Of course there's some seating, bar games, and a jukebox tucked in the corner if you'd rather stay and socialize a bit.

Please note that all the songs on the jukebox are appropriately hell-themed. Hopefully Sympathy for the Devil is universally loved.

STAND YOUR GROUND

Prompt I

It seems like not long after everyone has either returned from the maze or arrived fresh to hell that the storms started yet again. A bit more sporadically and not the constant downpour of the previous month, but it's still blood and fire raining from the skies, along with claps of thunder and lightning strikes that seem far too close for comfort. Fortunately, there's not as much flooding this time. Unfortunately, a particularly loud clap of thunder and lightning that strikes close to the hotel seems to leave it and surrounding establishments in the dark. Quickly, the hotel becomes a cold place, urging all guests to to move to the lobby for some warmth.

A roaring fire will be going and there will be hot drinks and snacks kindly provided by the staff while they try to work on correcting the problem.

Eventually, some rather panicked goblin-like demons come rushing up from the basement. They're half-singed and dirty looking from their adventure, so it doesn't seem to bode well for the power returning any time soon. Guests who listen closely will hear the demons apologizing profusely for 'letting them escape' and much more worrisome than that, about how it looks like there might have been some tampering going on down there. The staff is quick to tell the demons to hush and go, not to worry the guests or let word get back to Lucifer.

Once that whole scene is squared away, the staff will be urging guests to volunteer and pushing them into a drafty, creepy basement with nothing but candles and flashlights to lead the way.

It's okay, they reassure, it's not that bad down there! The lights provided all seem to flicker dangerously though, almost completely going out at times, as you descend creaky stairs to a lower level. Apparently the demons are tired of risking their hide to get the power back on, but they're quite happy to risk all the guests'.

The basement is slightly flooded in some areas, bloody rain making its way through cracks in the foundation. It reeks of dampness and mold. There are things that skitter in the corner of your eye as you venture in further. Rats, bugs, and a few smaller beasts.

No one will be given more to go on than they're looking for a breaker box to reset, and hopefully, that'll get everything back up and running again. Unfortunately, there are so many twists and turns that it gets confusing after a while... How come the basement looks much bigger than it has any right to be anyway?

The basement is also jam packed with boxes just begging to be gone through. Most of them just seem to house an odd amount of clothing and what may be personal items left from previous guests, others hold decidedly more satanic and occult items. But if there's anything you're looking for in particular, from jewelry to a coat to a rad new walkman, you'll probably find it down here.

Keep going and you'll come across a room with a heavy steel door. If anyone should venture inside, they'll see a dungeon inside. There are demons chained to the walls in various ways, strung from the ceiling, or caged up that seem to be wasting away and forgotten. If they notice you, they'll try to plead with you to let them out, bribing you with information on Lucifer that no one else knows, but it's probably for the best you don't. There seem to be a few free spaces waiting for new additions after all... and besides, they've got to be locked down there for a reason, right?

Let them go against all better judgement and they'll most likely just rattle something off while they take off running as quick as they can.

Listen closely enough and you might hear tortured screams as they're presumably killed upon reaching the main floor of the lobby. It was probably inevitably, so don't blame yourself.

Anyway, moving on you keep going past the dungeon, and you'll finally find the room with the furnace and breakers to reset. It shouldn't take long to flip them back, but they'll continue to trip on and off for a while and may require multiple groups to make a return trek down to reset them until the demons finally correct the issues with the wiring that is causing these outages.

Speaking of issues with the wiring and what may have caused them... Hang around the bar or lobby enough, or around any area of the community, and you may hear muttering of something called The Veiled Order from beyond the gates. Some of the demons seem excited, others seem nervous. If asked, the demons may brush guests off. If drunk enough or given proper incentive, they may tell a story about a group of rebellious demons that Lucifer tried to cast out. They were damned to live in the burnt forests outside the gates, but sometimes, they still cause trouble.

Apparently, they thought they could be better rulers than Lucifer and were quite discontent with how he maintains Hell.

Some may say they're worried the Order is causing mischief by messing with the hotel, having had ample opportunity to sneak back within the gates. Others will laugh heartily and insist that it's a dumb tale to scare young demons, nothing more. Certainly nothing to worry about.

Another thing guests may overhear or bribe out of demons around the bar or club is talk about the call of infernal nightmares. If pressed for more info, the demons won't give much beyond the fact that it's a miserable thing, entirely miserable.

Prompt II

Apparently what the goblin-like demons accidentally set free are strange demons that possess fungi, dust, and dirt. They don't seem to quite be from this world, but they're called Coal Tars apparently. They're harmless creatures for the most part, but they do have a love of following around people with dark or sinister natures.

The staff will be offering a reward of a gourmet dinner of the guest's choice if anyone around the hotel will help to capture these little pests and bring them to the front desk. Afterwards, they'll be returned to the basement and locked away again.

Otherwise, people are free to ignore them or laugh at the people who can't seem to shake the little creatures following them around.

Careful though, breathing them in can make your lungs rot. Nasty way to go probably.

REACH UP HIGH

Prompt I
Warnings: cutting, blood, torture.

Whether you've been here for months or you're freshly arrived, your demonic overlord expects some participation. You can try and shirk the responsibility, of course. You can bargain your way out of it for a while. But eventually, you may find yourself trapped in a room just off the gym that's been fondly dubbed the torture room. It has all manner of equipment in there, along with an iron maiden even.

But don't worry about any of that right now. It probably won't be used.

You can try the door, but even with super human strength or every lock picking skill in the book, you won't be able to open it.

It soon becomes apparent what you're supposed to do soon enough when someone else is eventually shoved in with you. Both of your lists of sins will appear on a table that's been placed in the center of the room with two handy knives. You can choose to guard these or not care at all that they're on display.

"Know that honesty is a good place to start on your road to redemption. Sure, it can be terrifying at first, but that's why you've been given a partner in this journey. Pick up your knives and carve at least one sin into each other's flesh. Help in the journey to be candid with everyone you should meet here!"

The voice echoes all around you again, just like in the nightmare, and once again there's the pull to give in. This voice really does seem like it has your best interests at heart.

"If you need a bit of encouragement, we'll be giving it shortly."

It isn't a lie or idle threat either. The longer you wait to do what's been requested of you, the more shallow cuts that will appear on both of your bodies. Are you really prepared to endure this pain when giving in would be so much easier?

And more than that, are you willing to let another suffer along with you?

Eventually, the cuts will stop if you suffer them long enough, but you'll have failed this challenge and sustained more damage than if you'd just gone along with it. Satan will also be very disappointed in you.

Prompt II

"A generous nature is an important part of being a righteous person. Greed is a sin my Father frowns on quite a bit. What I ask you to do today is to go out and find a gift for that special someone or friend of yours and give them something to smile over."

With the items available in the basement and the shop in the hotel carrying a few new items, Lucifer would like to spread the good will of gift giving. It doesn't matter if you're not well acquainted with each other yet. You don't need to be! Anyone can spread cheer by giving a gift.

And if you don't, expect to be in excruciating pain for a few hours, and struggling for a breath. If you can't share a gift, then you don't deserve to share all that oxygen, do you?


FOLLOW ME DOWN

Prompt I
Warnings: Alcohol and drug abuse, potential non-con/dub-con.

With all the sinners, new and old, the bar will be lit up with activity and absolutely bustling with guests and demons alike. Food and drinks will be readily available and provided by hotel staff (although they might not always know what humans eat. What do you mean, you don't like fried kitten?), music will be blaring, and overall, there will be an energy to the atmosphere that's absolutely contagious. Even if you aren't typically inclined to linger at these sorts of events, there will be a certain pull to stay and have a bit of fun.

You may not get much of a chance to have that in hell after all. So one drink won't hurt, right? Nor will one more after that.

There will also be every sort of party drug available that might tickle your fancy. There's no harm in experimenting, is there? You're already in hell and the staff is handing it out and so helpfully showing you how to use it, or recommending a type that would suit what you want.

You've presumably done your atonement for the day, yes? So cut back a bit, let loose. Hell might be pain and torment, but it's also a nonstop party in the bar.

There's even a brand new stage and a karaoke machine for those feeling brave!

Ask the staff demons very nicely and you may even get less scrupulous drugs as well. Things that will convince your fellow damned souls to tell only the truth for a fun prank, or perhaps even potions that will make someone so enamored with you, they won't take their eyes, or hands, off you. How dare they give you the cold shoulder earlier, right? You've got them now.

There are also tables set up for all sorts of gambling and various bar games to entertain yourself with. Since currency as most are familiar with it doesn't quite exist down here, most of the demons seem to be accepting bits of your soul, if you're in a gambling mood. You may also get pulled into a fun game of strip poker against one of your fellow guests for a few succubi that are having a night out.

Relax and enjoy your night. Coming here and facing your sins is the hard part, so surely you deserve to have a little fun, right?

Prompt II
Warnings: sex, aphrodisiacs, potential dubcon/noncon, potential kinks.

The club within Penance has always offered many options for debauchery, but now it seems they're stepping things up a bit. There are themed rooms for sex machines (the same that were present at the carnival) that can be controlled by a demon or a partner. If asked, they'll gladly set you up on stage to put on a performance for the entire club.

They won't side eye you for any other kink you ask for either, however depraved it is.

But the succubi are handing out potions again, that can be taken willingly or not. The purpose of them is to strip away all of your inhibitions... or in certain cases, your mind as well as your will. It will leave those who take the potion as a perfect little pet or slave for someone.

It doesn't matter if you're generally strong-willed or not interested in submitting. You'll find yourself wanting to please someone until it's the most important thing on your mind. Maybe until it's the only thing on your mind. It doesn't even matter if you generally hate or adore the person you've attached yourself to, you'll find yourself sinking down on your knees anyway.

This is the perfect time to play out all those daddy kinks, domination and submission scenes, or perhaps a bit of pet play. It doesn't matter what theme of the game you choose, you're suddenly all for it no matter what.

Because you just want to make someone happy, even if what makes them happy is hurting you as much as pampering.

MISC.
Thanks for joining us for our fourth test drive meme, sinners! Reserves are now open for the upcoming app round on August 1st

If you want to speak with Lucifer, you're free to text or pray to him right here

If you let a demon loose in the dungeon, reply here to see what tidbit of info they revealed!

If you have a comment, suggestion, etc. please go here!

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Comments

[invicto]

[ James smiled a little. Even if Steve was talking about his weight on his lap, it still felt nice to hear the word 'perfect' being used on him. Not something anyone would associate with him in any capacity. ]

I didn't want to ask before.

[ Because it was casual, and because keeping his distance felt easier, safer. James still wasn't entirely sure about this, about whether getting this involved was really such a good idea, but he knew things couldn't go back to how they were before. In a way they had gone down a path that they couldn't go back on, now.

Might as well keep Steve close now, rather than at arm's length. ]

Alright... one thing I've been curious about. When and where are you from?

[compelledtoprotect]

I know. It's why I never asked, aside from that one aberration after the dream. I knew you wouldn't welcome the invasion.


[It was a soft admission, not meant to accuse, just to explain his own lack of prying. Steve stroked James' face, fingers moving lovingly over those handsome features. He smiled and couldn't stop the way his eyes reflected what he felt. Not hiding anymore was . . . wonderful.

The question startled a laugh out of him and Steve felt his cheeks heat, though he didn't look away.]


That's your first question, huh? There's two answers to that. Three actually. I was born in New York, Brooklyn, in 1918. I ended up in the arctic ice in '45 and didn't wake up again until 2011 which . . . Let's just say it was a shock. Before I got here though, I was on an island in outer space. So technically you're sleeping with a very very old man.

[invicto]

[ Well, Steve wasn't wrong about that. But now he wouldn't mind Steve asking as much. Maybe he'd have a tough time talking about some things, but that was just because he was so used to keeping everything to himself, it was difficult to know how to be or act any other way. ]

Huh. [ An eyebrow rose. ] And you just survived frozen in ice for nearly seventy years?

[ That got the gears in his head turning. Because his next question was already related to this, in a way. He had noticed how unusually strong Steve was, after all, how he managed to heal faster than an average human, and to withstand much more damage too. He also had superior senses, and... well, he was huge. It was impossible not to think about why that might be. ]

Are you an Augment? [ He paused, realizing that the word might be unfamiliar to Steve. ] A genetically engineered human. We have those, in my reality. Is that what you are?

[compelledtoprotect]

Um well . . . I ah . . . A-Augment?


[Steve frowned thoughtfully, letting his hand move lower, fingers stroking James' throat. He wasn't trying to seduce the man, at the moment, he just liked touching. A lot. And it made him feel connected to James. So many years had been empty of any sort of real companionship . . .]


Sort of? Back home, I'm the only one. There were supposed to be more but . . . but it didn't work out that way. I'm the only one who went through the procedure. But yeah. That's sorta what it boils down to. The serum they gave me made me perfect. The absolute best a human can possibly be. So my senses are better, my metabolism is kinda off the charts, and I eat a hell of a lot to make sure I don't eat myself.


[He didn't go into the reasons for what happened to him, or what he'd been like before, but he would if James asked. It wasn't that he was ashamed of anything, it was just . . . complicated. And maybe a little embarrassing at certain points.]

[invicto]

[ James swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing against Steve's fingers, eyes closing at the tender caress. He hummed at the question, opening his eyes again when Steve answered, taking in Steve's explanation. ]

I see.

[ A serum, then. A drug. Not quite the same, though with the way Steve described it, it seemed to produce just about the same effect. ]

And this was something you went through before getting stuck in the ice? [ He paused, reviewing the world's history in his head. ] So you fought in the Second World War.

[compelledtoprotect]

[He nodded, eyes following his fingers as they moved up and down James' throat, worshiping that vulnerable part of the man. Steve still remembered their first encounter vividly, and what James had asked for during it. He smiled a little at the memory, thumb stroking over the man's Adam's apple fondly.]


Yeah. That's the one. Did you read about it in the text books James? Do they still teach something so old where you come from? When is that anyway? I have a feeling you're worlds farther along that I ever got.


[It shouldn't matter, talking about his past. He'd done it before with no problem, but suddenly Steve felt . . . a little squirmy. He didn't want James to think less of him for his decisions and actions, and his life was full of glaring mistakes. It suddenly mattered in a way it hadn't before. Peggy never asked about his life really, and that worked for them. When they'd been together on the island, it was like they picked up right where they left off, taking it from the dance and moving forward into a real relationship. With Lucas . . . well. He'd known from the get-go there wouldn't be a whole lot of questions, not in the same way.

He grabbed at the chance to turn the tables and start finding out more from James, though he wouldn't hesitate to answer more questions from the man if he asked. It was just a nice break . . .]

[invicto]

Of course they teach about it. I had to read and study a whole lot when I was at the Academy, you know.

[ He had a feeling that the end of the war may have been different in both their universes, however. He didn't bring it up. He liked the nice, comfortable mood they were indulging in, and he didn't want to ruin it with something that Steve would undoubtedly see as unpleasant. ]

I was born in 2233. And it was 2262 when I ended up here.

[ Only three months shy of turning thirty, even, but he didn't bring that up. He had no intention of celebrating anyway, if he could get away with it. ]

Did you still live in Brooklyn, in the 21st century?

[compelledtoprotect]

I'd say you were top of your class, but I rather doubt you actually enjoyed studying. I'll bet you were the smartest man on campus though. And I'll bet you were cute as hell and twice as charming back then.


[Imagining James younger wasn't hard. That cheeky smile and those lovely, icy eyes would have attracted a brick wall. He probably just crooked his finger towards anyone he wanted and had them at a glance. He blinked in surprise at the dates though, mouth forming an "o" of surprise.]


You're older than me! I mean, if I hadn't been frozen, and I'd been taken from '45, not 2014 or so . . . wow. I never would have guessed. You look good for almost thirty James. Really really good.


[His fingers continued to trace up and down James' throat, though they did dip below the man's collar now and then, tracing along a collarbone, and up along James' jaw. Just for variety. He grinned up at the man oddly pleased he'd fallen for someone who was actually a nice, mature man for once. He hadn't expected that. He didn't even remember to comment on the fact James was from so far in the future it didn't even compare to what had happened to him. He was more than two centuries ahead of home.

Steve gave a slight nod and his smile turned a little wistful. Questions about home would probably always do that to him.]


After a fashion. Mostly I lived in S.H.I.E.L.D. digs, but they were sometimes out that way. Never like it had been before the war though. I never really got to go home, even after the ice, not that there was really any home to go back to . . .


[His eyes darkened and his fingers slowed even more, resting against James' pulse for a long moment before the shadows passed. He'd woken up generations later, everyone and everything he'd ever known gone. And he'd never been able to find that sense of home again. With his friends he'd recently started to come close before the island. And then once he was there, any time with Peggy had just been a balm on his soul, though with Lucas it had been a torment. And now with James . . .

Steve didn't have to lie with James. It was probably the most honest relationships, bar time with Peggy, he'd ever had. It was . . . He'd do anything to keep it. Anything.]


But now I have you James. And I can never be thankful enough.

[invicto]

I was top of my class. I didn't need to study for that.

[ But he did study. Quite a lot, actually. He did it with a purpose in mind, of course, but he always loved learning new things, even if the Empire encouraged any knowledge to be used to further the Empire's goal. Learning with no purpose in mind would've just been pointless, so James kept that bit to himself. ]

Am I? [ He chuckled, reaching up to cup Steve's face, a thumb stroking his cheek. ] Thought you'd be my age, at the very least.

[ He also wasn't sure that 7 years in some kind of suspended animation didn't count, but he wouldn't argue on that point. His eyes blinked slowly as Steve brushed his fingertips over his pulse, tilting his head to the side to allow him to touch as much of his throat as he liked.

Against his better judgment, his smile softened at Steve's last words. He didn't care much at all that it made him look weak right now, it was fine so long as it was just Steve with him there. ]

Tell me. [ He caught the collar of Steve's jacket and tugged just a bit. ] What you wanted to tell me before, tell me now.

[compelledtoprotect]

Yeah? Really? I caught myself a genius, huh?


[There was gentle teasing in his voice, but only admiration in his eyes. Steve hadn't considered himself terribly smart before the serum, and even afterwards he still considered most people a hell of a lot smarter, despite how much better his brain worked. It was a different type of intelligence he had for the most part. Instinct and an ability to make connections faster because his brain fired at the optimum. But he didn't have much schooling, formally speaking. Technically he'd gone to art school, but he'd never felt educated. It hadn't mattered back in the day since most people had experience like him, but since waking up?

Sometimes he really felt the lack.

Steve gave a slight nod, his hand still lovingly touching James. He just couldn't stop.]


You are. You're the older man, probably by just a few months though. Really sexy by the way. I've always liked a mature man. All that experience and talent . . .


[God James was lovely. Those eyes, usually so cold and calculating, looked down at him with something soft, something he hadn't seen in more than a brief flash before, and Steve caught his breath. Then the man spoke and he felt a flash of fear. If he said it, he could never take it back. What if James ran? What if he scared the man off? He closed his eyes, swallowing hard, fingers trembling just a bit where they rested on James' neck. He could survive losing James, but he wouldn't be whole, and he'd probably never be able to find the courage to reach out again. There was only so much a person could withstand before they just gave up.

He opened his eyes and looked up at James, the answer to the man's question already in his eyes.]


I . . . James I . . . I . . .

[invicto]

[ James just snorted and poked at Steve's side. He didn't often brag, at least not anymore, but Steve's description wasn't untrue. He was indeed a genius, had always been both praised and envied for it, sometimes the two at once by the same people. It felt good, though, to know he was smarter than most people he shared a room with.

But he didn't think Steve was stupid. He didn't need to be a genius to be smart, cunning and resourceful. He did think that Steve underestimated himself in a lot of things, but that was something they could work on. ]

Calm down, Steve. It's just a few months.

[ He laughed, shaking his head. No need for Steve to talk about it like there were years of difference between them, and he didn't like being called old. As a matter of fact he was even younger than his Starfleet counterpart, not that he'd tell Jim that.

His request got a reaction that he wasn't exactly expecting. Sure, he was expecting some surprise and nervousness, but Steve had been so ready to speak earlier, he never thought he'd get that much hesitation now. He waited still, for a few good seconds, which was a feat from him, but eventually just gave up.

He suppressed a sigh and a roll of his eyes, pressing his lips thinly as he leaned back. He took Steve's glass from his hand and stood up, setting them both down on the table before he offered Steve a hand. ]

Come on, my room. I'll give you your present now.

[compelledtoprotect]

[He grunted softly at the poke, grinning, and continued to just appreciate the man on his lap. James was ridiculously smart, though he'd never had occasion to quiz him on knowledge or anything. Steve could see it in the man's eyes, practically hear James' mind whirring away when faced with a problem. It was sexy as hell. He'd always had a thing for smart, resourceful people.

He chuckled at the way James begged off on the age difference though. Steve was perfectly happy to let it go, although it did truly amuse him. Most people didn't like being called old after all, as he should know. Still, it was nice not being the oldest guy in the room, after a fashion anyway.]

[That expectant look in James' eyes had him trapped, however, more so than he'd expected. As if the man really did know what was coming and wanted it. But did he truly? Even after their conversation, it would change everything, and he'd been burned before. Steve wasn't eager to feel that pain again, and as he dithered, James took action. Those thinned lips and obvious disappointment clawed at him and Steve grabbed the hand James held out, squeezing it hard in a frantic attempt to keep the man in place.

He forced the words before he lost the nerve forever, taking one last chance at hearing them back, though he didn't expect the day that happened to be then. As long as James didn't mock him, or tell him it could never be because he would never be enough, he'd be ok. But the fear of rejection was sharp and bitter and he hated the weakness that made him hesitate at all.]


Forget the present! I . . . James I love you! I mean I'm in love with you!

[invicto]

[ He was almost sure he knew what Steve wanted to say before. And yes, he was sure he wanted to hear it. He knew Steve wouldn't expect to hear it back either, wouldn't demand it of him, which really was the one thing he might've worried about otherwise.

But whether fear or uncertainty, something was holding Steve back, and he wasn't about to push and insist like he was a needy little thing, thirsting for that kind of attention. He was ready to let it go, even, just forget the topic entirely and never bring it up again, when suddenly Steve grabbed his hand and yanked him back. It was only by a little that he managed not to stumble onto Steve's lap, feet firmly digging into the floor, knees pressed against the edge of the couch for leverage. His hand rested on Steve's shoulder.

And then there it was. Exactly what he thought Steve was going to say. And... then some, even. He was hardly complaining. He'd love to be in anyone's head in that same way, but with Steve...

Hearing him say it out loud now, it wasn't just satisfaction that he felt. Granted, a good part of him was immensely pleased that the man adored him this much, but there was something warmer, deeper, something that made his heart quicken in his chest, that made his stomach turn like he had butterflies dancing on his insides. Not something he wanted to deal with just yet, though.

So he smiled instead, slow and soft and warm. He traced his fingers up Steve's throat and cheek, and he lifted an eyebrow while tilting his head pointedly. ]

So you don't want your present now?

[ He couldn't help teasing Steve, even as his heart threatened to beat its way out of his chest. He sat back down on Steve's lap, sideways this time rather than straddling him, and he leaned in to plant a soft kiss on his lips. ]

Good.

[compelledtoprotect]

[He held his breath, staring up at James and willing the man not to run away. If he pulled on his wrist, even the slightest bit, Steve would let him go, but he didn't want that to happen. He didn't want the man to reject him, to leave him alone. He didn't need to hear the words himself, he just . . . he just needed not to be the one to destroy what they'd shared so far.

The touch made Steve's breath rush out on a moan as he leaned into those gentle fingers, eyes sliding closed past his ability to control. His voice was a bare whisper at the question, not even really sure what he was saying.]


I just want you . . .


[Steve pulled James' close when he sat down again, taking the kiss with trembling lips before burying his face in the man's neck. If he tried to speak, or do much of anything else, he'd lose what little control he had. James hadn't left! He hadn't been rejected! And James still wanted him! The fierce joy made his eyes burn with tears he didn't dare shed. It mattered nothing that the man didn't say it back. James was still with him. That was plenty.]

[invicto]

[ James slid his fingers through Steve's hair, cradling his head and holding him close when he hid his face in the curve of his neck. He didn't really mind staying like this for a while, so he didn't move or protest, nor did he try to get Steve to move either. ]

Well, you've got me. [ He offered back, pressing his mouth against Steve's temple. His smile was still soft but just a hint mischievous as he tried to get Steve to look back at him. ] So what're you gonna do with me, now that you do?

[compelledtoprotect]

[Steve wanted to melt with that gentle touch, but I was hard to when he was the one being sat on. Not that he minded! James was a lovely warm weight on his lap, comforting and arousing at the same time, though he'd been doing his best to ignore that since they'd arrived. He leaned into the touch even though he didn't lift his head, tightening his arms around James a little more, making sure the man wasn't easily squirming free, though there was no indication he planned to try.

Those words though. They were provocative and Steve reluctantly looked up, a hint of humor in his eyes as he managed to get control of the emotions coursing through him. He would have been content to quietly cuddle the man forever, although more would never be a hard sell.]


Good. Because I don't think I'd be functional without you anymore. As for what I wanna do with you, I thought we'd decided talking was the new intimacy we needed to practice? Or did you change your mind about story time?


[Steve was teasing, obviously. It felt good to do so and he shifted his hands slightly, so one could stroke the small of James' back continuously, simply because it was it nice to touch the one he loved. And love the man he very much did.]

[invicto]

[ It was true that he was provoking Steve, but he didn't actually do anything to further encourage a more sexual turn. If anything Steve's answer drew a smile from him. Talking was... a little new, and a little strange. He and Jim talked, but even then James didn't always share much about himself.

With Steve, almost every encounter they'd had in the past ended up in them fucking, and not in the slow, gentle way either. An actual relationship was something brand new for him, though. ]

No. We can talk. [ He leaned in for a kiss and lingered for a few good seconds, finally breaking the contact and resting his head on Steve's shoulder. ] What do you want to talk about?

[compelledtoprotect]

[Dear god. If kisses like that were going to come to him, even infrequently, he'd never need the man to say the words. Steve almost wept at the lingering kiss, giving a shuddering sigh as James nestled against his shoulder. He gave thanks to the powers that be the man couldn't see how close to breaking down he was, though James might be able to feel it in the sudden tension as he fought the waves of emotions trying to drown him. But they were all happy things, maybe a tad wistful, but on the whole completely happy.

What they were currently sharing? That was what you expected after confessing love to someone. And Steve hadn't really believed he'd get it. So often he'd had that potential dangled in front of him only to have it snatched back at the last second. His voice was gruff when he finally spoke, and thick with emotion still.]


Anything. You especially, but don't force it. I can be patient, all evidence to the contrary. I can talk more about me if it's easier, though questions will probably get more coherent answers than me rambling. Of course, I may have to stop now and then and remind you that I love you. Just so you don't forget.


[And because it gave him joy to say the words and mean them. The fact that James seemed to want to hear them made it even better. It wasn't paradise and never would be, but it was real, and it was something they could build on, and James looked like he was willing to at least try.]

[invicto]

[ Whether or not James felt the same way about Steve, that was anyone's guess. Even James couldn't say for sure, and that was a can of worms he wasn't quite that eager to open for now. But he did like to be adored, and Steve's attention fed that needy, demanding part of him. Even if he didn't care about Steve any deeper than a good fuck every now and then, he'd still accept that confession, if only because he wanted Steve's complete attention.

He did care for Steve, though. He just didn't want to think about how much. Not just yet, anyway.

He let out a soft snort, smiling to himself when Steve said the words again. They both excited and terrified him. He plucked his fingers at Steve's shirt, nuzzling against his shoulder and neck with a sigh. ]

No, it's fine. I asked you questions, you can ask me questions. As long as you remember you might not like the answers.

[ But Steve knew what kind of world James came from, what kinds of things the Empire stood for. Surely there wouldn't be much that would be a surprise to him. ]

[compelledtoprotect]

[Steve shifted a little, bringing his free hand up to stroke his fingers through James' hair, almost as if he were cuddling a cat and absently petting it, waiting for the purr. The motion was soothing to his inner upset and he sighed softly, looping his other arm more tightly around James' waist. God the man felt good. Firm and warm and relaxed against his chest his chest, and the weight of him pressing on Steve's lap. It was exactly the way he wanted to spend his days, cradling the man he loved close.

It took a while for Steve to find his words, and his voice was soft when he spoke, little more than an intimate whisper. He didn't want the world to know James' secrets, just him.]


What was your childhood like James? Did you have any family? Brothers and sisters? Parents?


[Surely there were at least a few good memories in a time period like that? As much as Steve and his mother had suffered, there'd been love. And after Bucky found him, there'd been even more love. Someone had treated James well at some point, otherwise he'd never be capable of what he was doing now. If you'd never known love, you couldn't very well give it, could you? The man might never say the words, but his actions spoke loud enough for Steve.]

[invicto]

[ James shrugged at the question, nonchalant. Steve went straight to what might just be his most sore topic. Talking about his childhood never failed to make him feel vulnerable and weak, and not really in the same nice, comforting way that sharing little caresses with Steve did. ]

Just my mother, and she wasn't around much. Sometimes not even at all. I had a stepfather who beat me. Honestly, I hated Iowa and I hated growing up there, I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

[ So no, not a particularly loving childhood. He sighed, closing his eyes and curling up like he could just hide away in Steve's embrace. ]

What about you?

[compelledtoprotect]

[Well hell. That hadn't worked at all. Steve winced as James spoke in that hard, emotionless voice, clearly hiding just how much his past hurt. He cuddled James close as the man burrowed into him, hands moving in soothing motions on his lover's body. The fact James had said anything at all to such a tender subject proved just how open the man was trying to be, but it made Steve hesitate to ask more. The last thing he wanted was to make James upset and ruin their quiet moment.

The question put to him was easy to answer, but it made him feel guilty. There was no way he could make James' past happy, but maybe going forward . . . ]


My dad died before I was born, in the Great war, but I had my ma. She worked as a nurse. We didn't have much, just each other really, and then Bucky found me when I was about . . . thirteen I think? Then I had the two of them, and Bucky's family, although mostly he came over to my place. It was like having a brother, you know? We starved and froze or sweltered like everyone else back then, but we also had each other, which made things not quite as bad.


[Steve was quiet for a long time, holding James and trying to comfort them both. Just because the words came easily didn't mean they hurt less.]


She died. Tuberculosis. Caught it from work. And I lost Bucky during a mission. He fell . . . He fell. And I couldn't catch him, and we couldn't go back fast enough to . . . mn. It was a long time ago now. I crashed into the Arctic not long after Bucky . . . well. There's no blood relations left back home, not since I woke up. I've made some new friends and they're all . . . kinda like me actually, people with ah . . . talents. They're nice, for the most part, but they're not . . .


[He let his words trail off. He cared deeply about his new team, even though it was currently fractured, but it wasn't the same as before the ice. Nothing ever could be and he knew that, and yet . . . Steve sighed softly, resting his cheek on James' hair.]


Can you tell me a happy memory James? Anything that gave you joy?

[invicto]

[ It was nice, surprisingly, getting to learn all these things about Steve. He felt like he knew more about him from just tonight than from all the other days they'd spent together. Granted, the memories may not all be happy ones, but they made him feel like he was closer to Steve by just knowing about them.

He found Steve's hand and weaved their fingers together, holding it close. ]

I'm sorry. About your mom, and... your friend.

[ They both lacked in happy moments, it seemed. Yet Steve still managed to bring up some nice things, whereas James visibly struggled when asked for a nice memory. Because he did have moments where he felt pleased and accomplished, but pure, unadulterated joy was something else entirely. ]

I had a friend, at the Academy. A close friend. I never really trusted anyone in my life aside from him, and we spent a lot of our free time together. He kept trying to get me to study and I just roped him into parties and tricked him to come over to my room for movie nights together, or just eating crappy food and listening to music and drinking all night.

[ He smiled faintly, closing his eyes. ] That was nice. Spending time with him, not having to think about anything else... I guess being with him gave me joy.

[compelledtoprotect]

[He almost cried. Again. Steve was sure James could feel the faint tremor as he laced their fingers together, but he got control of himself quickly. No one wanted to see someone like him weeping, even if they would have been happy tears. It would probably make James worry, at best, if not head for the hills. He drew in a shuddery breath and gave his head the slightest shake, smiling.]


Thank you. But I have good memories of them, lots of them. It's not as lonely as all that most of the time.


[Sometimes, but not all the time. And there was a faint hope he'd find Bucky again one day, and that he could find someone to fix his friend and give Bucky back his life. It wasn't impossible.

Steve listened to James talk, appreciating the struggle the man went through to find something happy to talk about. It was . . . so deeply touching. Such a hard, guarded man doing his best to open up just because he asked. Steve wasn't even sure James spoke so openly to Jim and he knew it was a precious gift. He mumbled against James' hair, squeezing the man's hand gently.]


McCoy, right? Jim calls him . . . Bones, I think? He's a doctor. Doesn't like space though, or people. Really grumpy. Is that who you mean?

[invicto]

[ Good memories was already a whole lot more than anything James had ever gotten. So yes, that did count for something. He brushed his thumb slowly across Steve's knuckles, aware that the proximity between them was getting to him, but still he didn't want to stop.

He looked up when Steve mentioned the doctor, only mildly surprised. ]

Him, yes. I don't call him Bones. [ It was a silly nickname that made him feel stupidly jealous of Jim's connection with his McCoy. ]

He's pretty much all those things in my reality, too. Except he's missing an eye now.