TEST DRIVE MEME #27

[penancemods]

Arrival

"Judgement has come upon you. God has deemed you worthy of Hell. But don't worry, it can still be undone," comes a soothing voice that echoes all around you. The voice promises comfort, hope even.

It may seem like a nightmare at first, despite all of that. Full of hellfire nipping at your skin and a sensation of being pulled down no matter how much you struggle or cry for help. Wretched, unseen hands pull at you, grip tight at your body, tighten on your throat, skeletal fingers grab at your face, slide in your mouth and jab at your eyes as they struggle for purchase. It feels like for a moment, they may snap your neck as they tug and pull. The more you resist, the more phantom hands are added to your struggling body.

It feels like they could tear you apart if you let them. The only thing to do is to let go and stop fighting.

And so you do.

Darkness and nothingness consumes you for a second, but only a second.

Initially, everyone opens their eyes to a long, dark corridor made of stone. They find themselves in what appears to be a long queue with other sinners, palm bloody.

Characters find their bodies feel heavy and stiff, bruised with odd hand prints here and there that they received during their journey down below. A massive headache throbs behind their temples. They are urged forward to take a numbered ticket and wait their turn in the long line. As they're ushered forward through the corridor, their first stop will be to see Lilith, standing outside her office.

The woman in a smart suit and a friendly smile steps forward to greet sinners one by one. "I'm sorry for your rough landing. We've never gotten it quite as smooth as it was in the past. Please, let me see your hand--"

Once she has the sinner's hand, there's the warm, almost electric touch of magic that soothes away the aches and pains, heals the wound left behind on each sinner's palm. Lilith looks satisfied with her work and gives a nod. "There, all better. Please continue on until you reach Death's office. He'll have your contracts ready for you."

There's a slightly wicked twist to her lips. "Please do feel free to ask him about any of those sins listed..."

And so on, sinners travel until they finally arrived at another office where Death sits waiting. Here is where you'll receive a contract detailing all sins committed. If they look at the list closely enough they'll notice it's written on with their blood. That explains the wound then. It's an old piece of parchment despite the freshly written letters upon it. Death will also provide slightly more modern smart phone. Think early generation Android.

Seems as though Hell has moved on up from the very old Blackberry type phone.

Once characters have their device and their contracts, they're ushered further down the hall. It seems to go on and wind forever, but eventually, they come upon the lobby of Penance hotel. Once there, they will notice several shops and other areas around the front desk.

The demon at the front desk looks rather bored, but when sinners approach? He seems to snap to attention to offer whatever help they might need of him. He will at least direct to food or rooms to rest their wary bodies, or recommend sights to see around the hotel.


Stand Your Ground

While the Mares have gone, as per Death's bargain with God, and reconstructing Penance is coming along fairly well, the air is carrying with it a cold crispness that sends a chill down one's spine. Lucifer is still nowhere to be found, and if pressured, staff will say he's having talks with the other Lords of Hell, as well as God himself. Things need to be worked out, no matter how difficult it is for Lucifer to accept and swallow his pride. He won't be around to offer warmth to the Penance community and it may, in fact, be mirroring his current mood.

Or it may be the creeping sense of doom that's following so many around now that The Veiled Order has been able to nearly complete their next spell. Local demons will plainly say that God won't help them against this threat, that he doesn't care if Hell is destroyed, and others will be very hush about the situation entirely. No need to scare the local sinners, new or old!

Instead just enjoy the reopening businesses around the local area! Nothing is off-limits. Hellburbia seems to have suffered some extensive damage recently, but not to worry! There's talk of building back better than ever.

Other than that, Helluva Cup has a new spiced drink... and spiced everything. That's right! Pumpkin spice has apparently come early this year... and it may be a bit overpowering and in everything in the coffee shop, regardless of what you order. Even Bean, the 'friendly' hell rat the owner keeps in the shop seems to be feasting on pumpkin flavored meat. That's probably okay. Right?

Penance Library is offering a special reading of Leviathan-specific reads. The local goblins will be doing readings every afternoon for all who care to listen or to stick around and discuss it. These will all be fictional in nature, not historic texts.

Strangely enough, there seems to be a sort of curfew happening. While everyone will not be expected to be in the hotel necessarily, they must take shelter in the newly opened Club Penance, Casino Styx, Hella Shorty's, or other establishments. They must either stay the night in these establishments or be escorted to the hotel by demonic guards. These guards will be doing rounds around the Penance community to ensure no one is out alone. Do not fight them or they may surprise you with how strong they can be.

Additionally, anyone caught defying curfew knowingly or fighting back will be locked in their rooms for up to three days as a potential danger to the community as a whole. There are all sorts of dangers lurking out there and the demons are absolutely trying to keep everyone as safe as they can!

Otherwise, it's business as usual around Penance, so go on an exploration! Bundle up against the cold! Have fun!


Reach Up High

WARNINGS: cutting, blood, torture

Whether you've been here for months or you're freshly arrived, your demonic overlord unfortunately expects some participation despite the current state of things. You can try and shirk the responsibility, of course. You can bargain your way out of it for a while. But eventually, you may find yourself trapped in a room just off the gym that's been fondly dubbed The Torture Room. It has all manner of equipment in there, along with an iron maiden even.

But don't worry about any of that right now. It probably won't be used.

You can try the door, but even with super human strength or every lock picking skill in the book, you won't be able to open it.

It soon becomes apparent what you're supposed to do when someone else is eventually shoved in with you. Both of your lists of sins will appear on a table that's been placed in the center of the room with two handy knives. You can choose to guard these or not care at all that they're on display.

"Unfortunately, due to Father coming back into the picture, I know that He will demand punishment be delivered despite our circumstances. I have chosen a rather easy one, focused on honesty and acceptance of your sins. Please pick up a knife and choose a sin from each of your lists to carve upon your skin. Aid each other in your journey, carve the words to help your fellow penitent be candid with everyone around them!"

The voice rings out within the sinners' heads as it always does, although Lucifer seems agitated at the moment, hesitant in some way that he usually isn't.

"I do apologize for this. If it was up to me, you would have been free of additional torment this month. However, there will be additional incentive for anyone who should try to resist the task I've appointed them."

It isn't a lie nor an idle threat either. The longer you wait to do what's been requested of you, the more shallow cuts that will appear on both of your bodies. Are you really prepared to endure this pain when giving in would be so much easier?

And more than that, are you willing to let another suffer along with you?

Eventually, the cuts will stop if you suffer them long enough, but you'll have failed this challenge and sustained more damage than if you'd just gone along with it. Satan will also be very disappointed in you.


Follow Me Down

Prompt I: Reopening

WARNINGS: sex, drugs, alcohol, aphrodisiacs, body changes, potential kinks, violence, potential non-con or dub-con.

Club Penance is finally back! And with themed nights to start off all the fun. This night's theme is: Anything But Clothes. Guests who enter the adult oriented side of the club will notice the incubi and succubi who serve in it are entirely without clothes (and any ounce of shame!). They're eager to get right back to business. They're very encouraging of others to do the same whether it be immediately or in sexy strip shows.

On their trays, they offer drinks and drugs of all sorts. Shows are being put on on the stage as usual, the offer of sex demos with guest participation are still on the table.

As usual, these demons play under respectable rules in the club, safe words and all. They will also gladly exit the stage and let guests entirely run the show. They're on their best behavior tonight, even if the natural aphrodisiacs they give off seem to be amped up

Guests who refused to undress may also find their clothes randomly disappearing, or being torn off by some eager patron or demon who is a bit too into the theme! Ah, well, no need to worry too much. There will be costumes and lingerie to slip on to go home in. There's absolutely nothing wrong with a walk of shame back to the hotel in nothing but a thong, they'll assure. It's just another night in Hell.

For those who are really adventurous, there are also special concoctions that the club offers. These include:

Frenzy ○ The drug will be given to anyone anyone who asks for it. It can be snorted, injected, taken in pill form, or smoked given user preference.

Despite the questionable name, guests who partake really will feel the best they've possibly ever felt. They won't need sleep or to rest, but they won't necessarily feel the strain on their bodies either. They'll be full of energy and their mood will be amazing with no hint of nightmares or dreams anywhere.

The demons won't let anyone come down either, not once they've started and not until they're told a guest doesn't want any more.

Even then, they may still try to convince them otherwise. It's a party for as long as you can go, or until you completely burn out, it seems.

But with all good things come bad. It seems a side-effect of the drug is an actual frenzy as well. A frenzy for sex or violence or anything a character might want that they deny themselves on the regular. They'll feel this growing hunger, this ravenous need to have and to claim everything they think is theirs.

Some may even fade away into an almost animalistic sort of state.

The more the guest takes, the more they'll experience this sensation. Fighting it won't help either. Though they did sort of bring that one on themselves, didn't they?

Other symptoms of coming down won't be too different to those of other drugs. Fatigue, depression. Guests will begin to feel the effects of staying up for so long without rest or stopping to take care of themselves. They may also feel a certain longing for more, but it can be fought off with enough strength of will.

The drug isn't free either. The succubi expect to be paid in energy or through actual work in the club.

Bond ○ A potion that will bond guests together the minute one speaks to the other. The encouragement is that this should be done consensually, but the demons won't necessarily be checking. Once bonded, guests will feel what the one who took the potion feels. This includes pain and pleasure both with effects lasting a full night. Give someone the most intense pleasure of their lives or torture them until they beg for mercy!

For a really intense experience, both participants can consume the potion with mutual effects.

For the dance oriented portion of the club, the theme is a little more lax. Instead of outright nakedness, patrons may be offered revealing clubwear instead. Things that will look mesmerizing in the lights of the club ranging from neon colors to clothes that seem to flash on the dance floor. The music will be thrumming in the air, pumping down to your very bones as you dance the night away, and all patrons will feel good. It will feel as if they could actually dance all night if they so wanted, even without the aid of any drugs.

It will be an all night rave with all the party drugs and drinks one could want! Live music plays all night. The band also loves to receive requests, so knock yourself out! They seem to strangely know any song they're asked to play.

Knock yourself out, give up any care in the world and have fun. You're already in Hell, so don't you deserve to feel good for a while?


Prompt II: Your Average Hotel Night

WARNINGS: Alcohol and drug abuse, potential non-con/dub-con

With all the sinners, new and old, the hotel bar will be lit up with activity. Drinks will be readily available, there's food in the kitchens if anyone wants to bother serving it, music will be blaring whenever there's electricity, and overall, there will be an energy to the atmosphere that's absolutely contagious. Even if you aren't typically inclined to linger at these sorts of events there may be be a certain pull to stay and have a bit of fun.

You might not get much of a chance to have that in Hell, after all. One drink won't hurt, right? Nor will one more after that, and after that. Ah, sweet gluttony. Why not have a pastry next? There's some delectable sweets available just a few steps away. More of a meat person? Like things salty? Fear not, it looks like someone graciously brought all sorts of snacks and foodstuffs from the kitchens to the bar as the night progresses. Indulge! You deserve it.

Similar to Club Penance, the bar also has every sort of drug available that might tickle your fancy and some you've never heard of. There's no harm in experimenting, is there? You're already in Hell. The staff will offer to show anyone how to use the drugs or give advice for what to try if you tell them what you want to experience. Shockingly, they won't lie! Their advice is good word its just you might not have been exactly prepared for it.

There's a stage and a karaoke machine for those feeling brave or just wanting to torture people with some sweet, sweet renditions of The Devil Went Down to Georgia.

There are tables set up for all sorts of gambling and various bar games to entertain yourself with. Since currency as most are familiar with it doesn't quite exist down here, most of the demons seem to be accepting bits of your soul or offers to do chores around the hotel. You may also get pulled into a fun game of strip poker against one of your fellow guests for a few succubi that are having a night out.

Relax and enjoy your night. Coming here and facing your sins is the hard part, so surely you deserve to have a little fun.


Wildcard/Misc.

Don't see something you love but still want to get a feel for the game? Check out our extensive list of LOCATIONS and write up your very own prompt however you'd like to! You can also add a "NETWORK" post option to your TL for quick, easy, and fun interactions.



And without further ado: Welcome to our new TDM for the September 1st app round! As always, potential appers and characters already in game are welcomed to jump right in! This TDM counts as an additional game event as well as game canon for those coming into the game. If you app and are accepted, TDM tags become game canon and can be used for AC! Please have fun and don't hesitate to ask any questions you might have down below.

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[gravity_fissure]

For a second, Essek simply floated at the door, watching him. Remembering Caleb’s scent mixed with the bathwater and the way his hand dipped over his bare chest, the touch of his lips and that look in his eye.

And then he remembered too late that his shirt, his cloak, were still in the other room, and now he simply hovered in his trousers and boots.

“Not much, mostly in passing.” He made his way across the room, setting the kit on the bed as he began to root through it. “I fear making friends is still…difficult for me.”

Connections. They were easier to make than they had been when he first laid eyes on Caleb, holding up the beacon in court, but he still had far to come and much to learn. Connections tended to lead itself to trust, and…well…

He took out the gauze. “I…did meet some people during the situation with the Mares. One had an interesting magic he showed me.”

[dirtywizardman]

Some people during that situation. They had been separated a few times, to look for supplies that were still good and to give each other much needed space when things became too tense, and especially in those first few days when it was clear that the decision to leave the sanatorium might not have been the right one. And a magic user.

Caleb knew there were others. Wylan had mentioned that he knew some from his world, called Grisha, and Caleb had seen a couple more while on the island as well.

He chewed on the inside of his cheek, tracking Essek's movement. "Ja?"

[gravity_fissure]

“Mm.” He grabbed the scissors, laying them out, and drew in a bit closer. Fingers slowly held one end of the gauze in place as he slowly began to wind it around that wounded chest. Was he doing this right? He had little clue, but he had seen his own brother’s wounds at least bandaged in the same fashion.

As long as he could make the words disappear…

“Yes. They called it a different name, ‘merzost’, I believe.” He looked up at him for a second, before back down at the work of the bandages.

“He, however, summoned shadows without components or words. It was fascinating, similar to things we have, but so, so different.”

[dirtywizardman]

Caleb chewed the inside of his cheek as Essek wound the bandage, wrapping him gently, attending to the worst of the marks. Essek's hands were still soft and delicate, even in their gentle authority. And he spoke of this interesting fellow he'd met, that he'd waited to mention.

There was no sense in lingering on that, was there? There had been no good time before now, of course. That was all. No good time.

This wasn't a good time either, probably. Essek wasn't looking at him--rather, he was looking at him, but never at him, just at the damage, the gruesome reminders of his sins and fragility. Caleb had no reason to stew in something like jealousy because Essek had spoken to a man, in the midst of fear and terror and anguish, about fascinating magical premises. That was foolish.

He lifted a hand and brushed his fingers against Essek's elbow, making an interested noise.

[gravity_fissure]

“I could see through it, so I don’t think it was magical, but it wasn’t natural either. It was so strange inside them, but utterly captivating.”

And he had offered to train this man, teach him a spell or two while Essek learned what he could from him, trying to find other ways to harness those shadows. All this, these bloodied bandages and clothes were a bitter reminder: he needed to become stronger, to have items to protect Caleb. It was a never-ending onslaught here. Mares. Knives. Burns. The things that happened to him before he even arrived.

This agreement was a good thing. An important thing. A—

He felt the touch of his elbow and that sound he had heard before, rarely but before. Fingers slowed their wrapping of the bandages, his head tilting up as he looked at him quizzically, softly.

“Yes, Caleb?”

[dirtywizardman]

He wasn't expecting Essek to stop. The noise had been instinctive more than anything else, the touch reactive, and having Essek look at him now demanded too much of what they weren't talking about.

His mouth buzzed with the memory of that kiss, looking at Essek, and with the words of offering to share his components, and of a hundred things done and said, and unsaid, and all the things that Essek knew but would not say.

No wonder he didn't want to talk about that foolish kiss or that clumsy arrival. Why burden yourself with such things when you could unmast the complications. Now, there was this new wizard, or sorcer, or grisha, whatever he was, with his new magic, his darkness. Essek needed that.

Caleb hadn't stopped touching his elbow.

"Stay," he whispered. It was not what he had meant to say but it was the word that came out, like when they had read the books together. And then, what he had meant to say: "Don't let your curiosity get the better of you just yet."

[gravity_fissure]

Stay.

Like Essek hadn’t broken whatever rules and kissed him, soft and sweet and unburdened by aphrodisiacs. He had no excuse but for fear and worry, a deep love and weakness. He had crossed a line, and they both knew it, and yet-

Stay. Whispered like the fragile request it was. He felt those fingers at his elbow, gentle in their touch and yet the fingers weren’t necessarily soft; they were the fingers of someone born with fire in their veins, who had suffered. Someone well-traveled and well-read.

Stay. And Essek nodded slowly. Because he would stay here, because they bad stayed during the Mares. He could trance and Caleb would sleep and it…it would be fine.

“I have no intention of letting anything get the better of me.” Except you, Caleb. He taped down the end of the bandage, picking up the scissors and cut the edge. He was done, and those violet eye stared into Caleb’s. “Are you worried for me?”

[dirtywizardman]

Caleb took the bandage and started measuring out a new length, for his arm this time, while Essek taped down the one on his chest. It meant giving up touching Essek which, for a moment, seemed absolutely terrible. But he did it. For both their benefits.

How many times had he longed to linger in these quiet, contemplative moments with him, before he knew of Essek's crimes? How long had he struggled with the knowledge of what Essek had done and come up that holding it against him was the same as holding his own crimes against himself? There were pictures of those deft, clever hands in his spellbook, unnecessarily detailed for a man that could recall things keenly. There was dedication in preserving Essek's handwriting in his portions of the Transmorgification.

He handed over the new length of bandage.

"I know you are capable of caring for yourself," he said, "but you are my friend, Essek. Of course I worry for you."

[gravity_fissure]

The absence of his touch was noted, his skin almost cold where those fingers had been. It was necessary, he understood that, but that didn’t make it any better. He wanted it bad already, wanted those fingers against his skin, a reminder of what they were. Once, in the future.

Essek finished the chest bandages, and the took the cut length. A soft and appreciative Thank you was breathed across his lips, before he held the wounded arm and straightened it. He started to wind the bandage around the mage’s limb, looking at old scars and new ones as he did. Fingers brushing long healed marks, something he could play as an accident even if there was no such thing.

“And I worry for you.” His eyes flickered up for a second, before back down at that bandages. “You have….made yourself special to me, regardless of my own avoidance in the beginning.”

There was a soft little laugh under his breath.

“I would do anything to make certain you are safe.”

[dirtywizardman]

Caleb didn't want Essek to do anything. He wasn't sure he wanted him to do most things, if it meant putting himself in danger or sacrificing himself in some way. They had to rely on each other. They were all the other had. As he sat here and Essek gently wrapped the bandage around his warm, he found himself cupping the back of Essek's elbow again.

"Do you plan to study him?" he asked softly. "This man and his shadows?"

[gravity_fissure]

The touch was back, warm and just so utterly there, impossible not to feel up his arm, in his heart. Essek’s eyes slid up, looking at the wizard, that arm only half-wrapped, and the question caught him off-guard.

“Studying, understanding, seeking out knowledge. Is that not what we both do?” Different now, with imposed limits, with boundaries, a check of the ego before making decisions, but still their core.

“I am curious on if he can preform our magic, and if I can control his shadows. Or contain them.”

[dirtywizardman]

"If Wylan can learn ours, I imagine anyone can," Caleb said, and then frowned softly, because that sounded very dismissive of Wylan's talents in this case. The boy was very dedicated to his studies and lessons and the slow practice of learning what Caleb had to teach him.

But Wylan had only mentioned Grisha themselves in passing, and Caleb hadn't pressed very hard about these magicians in his homeland, what they could do. Perhaps he should have. Perhaps he needed to know a bit more, to better understand everything. And maybe this man's world, with its shadows, was different all over again.

He longed to find every magic user in this place and study them all, to understand how they were the same and different and understand the new sort of world they were living in. Was his frustration that Essek had managed to do that or...something else?

His gaze lingered slightly on Essek's mouth before he made himself look away.

[gravity_fissure]

“You are a good teacher,” Essek offered. “I think that is first and most important step in anyone learning.”

And he had seen him in the future, seen him at Veth’s camp, had seen the extent of his patience; he had watched Wylan at the library and the ease with which Caleb taught. Really, he should have him talk to Kirigan, as Essek did not usually work with someone so fresh, so new, but keeping busy had its own appeal.

Besides, he was curious about the those shadows.

He followed Caleb’s eyeline, then looked back at the arm, the last few loops of wrapping rolling around it.

“Would you like to meet him?”

[dirtywizardman]

Caleb wouldn't say no to meeting this man, but that wasn't the point, was it? Tagging along to a bit of basic lessons at the library was one thing, but being brought along to meet this man felt different. It felt very different and Caleb wasn't sure this was the right answer.

He swallowed and shook his head slightly, tamping down fitfully on that unnecessary emotional flare that made him want to cling possessively to the drow. He could not demand Essek spend all hours with him. That would be cruel--and it wasn't who they were, either.

[gravity_fissure]

No, it wasn’t who they were; they existed in their own orbits, and yet part of the same solar system. They went months without seeing each other, working on their own goals and survival, but close enough to rely on each other.

But he wasn’t sure if Caleb was at a point where he could fully trust him yet, and he had offered this as an option of transparency. Essek had nothing to hide, at least not on this. He knew with time it would get better, but this was not the time he had expected.

Still, Essek was surprised he said no, watching Caleb’s face for a moment before the drow finished working on bandaging the arm. When it was set, his fingertips lingered on the gauze, unwilling to let him go either.

“Then what is it you want?” It was a vague and raw question with a million different answers, but he asked it anyway.

[dirtywizardman]

The moments that Caleb found himself tongue-tied and inarticulate with Essek were the most frustrating. He was not a talkative man in the first place, but he liked to think that he was well spoken, that he could make his point understood and well known. At the moment, he had a great many things he wanted to say, a roil of emotion caught in the back of his throat, and none of the words for any of it.

Slowly, he took his hand from Essek's elbow and he brought it up. He hesitated a moment before he touched his cheek, staring briefly at his fingertips against Essek's dark, almost violet skin. The glare of that ugly red eye on his palm judged him and, after a moment of it, Caleb let his hand drop back down.

He took a slow, steadying breath.

"Tell me more about it," he said, slowly leveraging himself off the bed so that he could find his pajamas to change into.

[gravity_fissure]

Essek had given him the opening. It was the most that he had done, would do any time soon, and for a second, he thought Caleb would walk into that pointed question. The fingers at Essek’s cheek were warm and war-worn and he thought maybe…

Maybe.

But then it dropped away and he saw how Caleb subtly hid that eye. Essek couldn’t keep his own disdain for that eye hidden, although he hoped Caleb understood why. It wasn’t him which bothered the drow; it was that.

He watched him for a moment, letting him get up and find those pajamas.

“My eventual goal is being able to put either the shadows themselves or whatever power that controls them into a mote with Arcane Abeyance. We could use them when we needed to as a distraction or cover.” He dragged his eyes away, offering him privacy.

“One for myself and one for you, although I doubt your ability to see through it.

“As for him, I thought I would begin with Prestidigitation, unless you have a better lesson plan, Master Widogast?”

[dirtywizardman]

Caleb went to the dresser to pull the clothes out, dropping the towel unceremoniously and keeping this attention away while Essek spoke. This felt unexpectedly like they were having an argument and he wasn't sure what to do about that or how to fix it.

So, instead, he pulled the pajamas on with rigid, stiff, pained movements and listened. He just listened. It was good that Essek had a focus outside of everything, something to study.

He said nothing about the shadows themselves, that if his plan worked in some substantial way, that Caleb would be able to make fine use of it because he still had the Somnovem's boon of dark vision. That felt like a different argument than whatever one they were having right now.

He didn't know why this felt like an argument, but it did. Like everything since Essek had found him in the lobby was a false step and was just getting more and more out of his control. Maybe that was just the pain talking. He would be better tomorrow, after a bit of rest. He would be better with Essek staying by his side.

There was something in the way Essek said those last words that, especially, made it feel like they were having an argument. Caleb lingered facing away for a moment.

When he came back to the bed, it was almost hesitant. He reached for Essek's hand, for those long, graceful fingers to draw him onto the bed with him.

[gravity_fissure]

Ah, yes, the boon of those eyes. Essek forgot that anything good came out of them, lingering instead that it was only dangerous, tainted. The end was the same; he, too, had saw that thing Cree turned into. He remembered how much harder it was to fight Lucien with them branded across his skin.

He looked back to Caleb when he heard the rustling of clothing stop and those footfalls close the distance. A hand was offered, and Essek settled his own into the palm, allowing himself to be guided back to the bed. The drow made a small little design his free fingers made in the air for Mage Hand, and soon that first aid kit and supplies were cleaned up and put away.

There was the rustling of the blankets as he settled down against them and the pillows. Essek wasn’t angry; he was concerned, worried by the marks etched into the skin, worried by what his moment of weakness did to Caleb and himself. The small touches had been promising, but—

They needed to talk about all the things he could not say, and that was the hardest portion of this.

“You should rest,” he said quietly, not letting go of the hand that had been offered to him. “I will be here when you wake.”

[dirtywizardman]

Essek came along.

Caleb laid down on the bed. It took several long moments to find a position that didn't spike pain, but he was used to that, at least, to finding what comfort there was when there wasn't much to have. Essek's indulgence helped in a way that Caleb wasn't sure how to articulate.

He had so many questions. So many things he thought he wanted to say but wasn't sure how or if it would break this sudden peace they'd found themselves in. So instead, he laid down as best he could.

He didn't let go of Essek's hand once they were on the bed.

"I am glad this wasn't you," he whispered into the space between their bodies. His fingers tightened gently to control the urge to cup Essek's cheek again. "We both know I am too impulsive for my own good. I would have, uh. What would Beau say? Started some shit."

[gravity_fissure]

“Impulsive? I’m sure the boats I’ve heard tales about would agree.”

Wall of Fire, Caleb? Did that ring a bell? Jester had told him a bit about that once, and he gleaned what he could from that her methods of diction. Still, he laughed a little, a soft sound, kind, as his own fingers tightened in return.

He was glad it wasn’t him, either; pain was distasteful, unappealing, frightening. But –

“And yet, it shouldn’t have been you, either.” His hand slid from Caleb’s, then gently took the wizard’s wrist and positioned it palm up. Idly, Essek reached down with his fingertip, started to trace a familiar shape – the dodecahedron – in the center among Caleb’s life and love lines. “I would find great pleasure right now in going into that room and squeezing it into nothingness.”

His eyes flickered up to blue ones, lingering there. “If the tortures of this place are anything to be believed, I do not doubt that one day you and I will stand in these rooms together with similar carving knives.”

[dirtywizardman]

The beacon sat, in the drawer with his books, in the lead box that the Nein had carried it across the Empire and the Dynasty before Caleb had given it back. When Caleb had found it in his things, back in Mammon's domain when he had first arrived, he had thought it was a joke. Now, with Essek tracing the familiar intricacies against his palm, he considered the motes of possibility within it.

Their eyes met. Caleb shifted, slightly, to draw Essek closer to him. He might not need to sleep, but there was a comfort in resting together like this, in being still and quiet together.

"I would prefer to avoid it as long as possible," he murmured. His heart thundered unceremoniously in his ears and he was certain that Essek must be able to hear it, as close as they were, as observant as he was. "I do not wish to hurt you, Essek."

[gravity_fissure]

“I like to think that I have already hurt you enough for ou- a lifetime together.”

He caught himself, carefully; our lifetime whispered of an affection he couldn’t allow himself to tell him, a truth of a future that Caleb did not know. Instead, he settled into him, relaxing his body into Caleb’s natural heat, careful of those wounds.

But it was the guilt in Essek’s words, too; even after years, after reflection and redemption, those pangs of guilt would never leave, much like Caleb’s words that night. The look in his eyes haunted him to this day and he never wanted to see it there again. Not because of him, not because of anyone.

His fingertip traced the life line of Caleb’s palm, before stopping in the center.

“Life cannot be devoid of pain, even by the ones we care for.” He tried not to think of Caleb dying, of the yawning existence that would happen after him. “But I know that more than anyone, you would not purposefully cause me harm if you could avoid it. I trust you, Caleb.”

Even if you cannot bring yourself to trust me yet.

[dirtywizardman]

There was so much there, a wealth of questions unasked and answers ungiven, ones that Caleb did not delve to pry at any longer because he had seen how that unraveled Essek in painful ways and he didn't want that. Those words, a lifetime together, twisted around Caleb's chest.

It's complicated, he'd told Jester. It was. Caleb had guarded himself for so long, for so many years, after Astrid and Eadwulf, and he had learned to love again slowly, through friendship, through trust, through this wizard before him who was clever and charming and brilliant and willing to do all the most terrible, wicked things that Caleb had been trained to do.

They could be better than what pride and ego and their pasts had made them. Because there were people who believed in them. Because they believed in each other.

It wasn't that complicated.

Caleb shifted their hands slightly, until Essek's fingers tangled between his. Despite the pain in his arm, he lifted his other hand and touched Essek's cheek. His fingers moved slowly back to his ear, all those glinting cuffs and rings, touching in a way that he had thought of for months.

He leaned in and kissed Essek's forehead. The bridge of his nose. His lips.

[gravity_fissure]

He expected the kiss to stop at his forehead. After all, Caleb had kissed his forehead before, many times, let it linger there, touch searing into him with purpose and message.

When the lips brushed the bridge of his nose, he wondered if maybe it was there that it would stop. A slow step, something moving towards a new phase between them.

And yet the lips touched his, a kiss, soft and new. It was the first time that this Caleb had kissed him, and while this was one of countless for Essek, it was still as important as any first, any last. He stiffened for all of a second against him, cautious and wary, before he remembered what he had told Caleb a moment earlier.

I trust you, Caleb.

He closed his eyes and let the fire melt him again the wizard, the hand in Caleb’s squeezing softly. There was a small parting of his lips as he offered himself up and let the wizard lead.