penancememes | TEST DRIVE MEME #4

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TEST DRIVE MEME #4

ARRIVAL

You remember a dream.

Or maybe nightmare is more accurate.

It was full of hellfire nipping at your skin and a sensation of being pulled down no matter how much you struggle or cry for help. There's a voice that feels like it's coming from all around you at once. Contrasting with the nightmare unfolding around you, it's smooth as silk. It makes you want to listen with every bit of attention you can muster in the moment.

"Judgement has come upon you, but not to worry. It can still be undone."

The voice promises you redemption for your sins. It promises you a better life and everything you could ever want, if only you just stop struggling so much.

And so you do.

Everyone wakes up in the same room initially. The room is done up in red with a cushy bed, a window, an old TV in the corner on a desk, and a few Hieronymus Bosch paintings lining the wall. There's a bathroom to clean up in and any belongings will be sat around the room to be gathered later. There's a duffel bag provided for your convenience.

After feeling a sensation of falling or dropping onto the bed, characters wake up feeling like they've just slept for a week. Their body will feel heavy and stiff, they'll have a massive headache at first.

They'll quickly notice the list of their sins written with their blood on a bedside table on an old piece of parchment. This will mean the list is tied to them and can't be changed or tampered with. They'll also receive their device to connect with others and the network. It won't be anything terribly fancy. As a matter of fact, it looks like a very old Blackberry type phone.

Once characters are ready to leave the room, they'll head down long, winding halls. They're dimly lit and ominous feeling. They may encounter fellow sinners or demonic staff that will direct the newcomer down to the lobby to get their actual room key to settle in. They may be pushy, they may border on courteous. It really just depends on the mood of the staff at the time and how they're treated in return. Eventually, everyone comes to stairs that lead downward.

Once down to the lobby, you'll notice the front desk manned by a demon who looks bored out of its mind. To the side of him is the door to the kitchen where guests may help themselves. To the right is a small duty free shop that seems to have a surprisingly normal, expected stock of items. Look around a bit further, there will be a tiny bar tucked in through a corner door. It seems pretty well-stocked and best of all, self-serve if you want to get away from your demonic hosts for a bit. Of course there's some seating, bar games, and a jukebox tucked in the corner if you'd rather stay and socialize a bit.

Please note that all the songs on the jukebox are appropriately hell-themed. Hopefully Sympathy for the Devil is universally loved.

STAND YOUR GROUND

Prompt I

It seems like not long after everyone has either returned from the maze or arrived fresh to hell that the storms started yet again. A bit more sporadically and not the constant downpour of the previous month, but it's still blood and fire raining from the skies, along with claps of thunder and lightning strikes that seem far too close for comfort. Fortunately, there's not as much flooding this time. Unfortunately, a particularly loud clap of thunder and lightning that strikes close to the hotel seems to leave it and surrounding establishments in the dark. Quickly, the hotel becomes a cold place, urging all guests to to move to the lobby for some warmth.

A roaring fire will be going and there will be hot drinks and snacks kindly provided by the staff while they try to work on correcting the problem.

Eventually, some rather panicked goblin-like demons come rushing up from the basement. They're half-singed and dirty looking from their adventure, so it doesn't seem to bode well for the power returning any time soon. Guests who listen closely will hear the demons apologizing profusely for 'letting them escape' and much more worrisome than that, about how it looks like there might have been some tampering going on down there. The staff is quick to tell the demons to hush and go, not to worry the guests or let word get back to Lucifer.

Once that whole scene is squared away, the staff will be urging guests to volunteer and pushing them into a drafty, creepy basement with nothing but candles and flashlights to lead the way.

It's okay, they reassure, it's not that bad down there! The lights provided all seem to flicker dangerously though, almost completely going out at times, as you descend creaky stairs to a lower level. Apparently the demons are tired of risking their hide to get the power back on, but they're quite happy to risk all the guests'.

The basement is slightly flooded in some areas, bloody rain making its way through cracks in the foundation. It reeks of dampness and mold. There are things that skitter in the corner of your eye as you venture in further. Rats, bugs, and a few smaller beasts.

No one will be given more to go on than they're looking for a breaker box to reset, and hopefully, that'll get everything back up and running again. Unfortunately, there are so many twists and turns that it gets confusing after a while... How come the basement looks much bigger than it has any right to be anyway?

The basement is also jam packed with boxes just begging to be gone through. Most of them just seem to house an odd amount of clothing and what may be personal items left from previous guests, others hold decidedly more satanic and occult items. But if there's anything you're looking for in particular, from jewelry to a coat to a rad new walkman, you'll probably find it down here.

Keep going and you'll come across a room with a heavy steel door. If anyone should venture inside, they'll see a dungeon inside. There are demons chained to the walls in various ways, strung from the ceiling, or caged up that seem to be wasting away and forgotten. If they notice you, they'll try to plead with you to let them out, bribing you with information on Lucifer that no one else knows, but it's probably for the best you don't. There seem to be a few free spaces waiting for new additions after all... and besides, they've got to be locked down there for a reason, right?

Let them go against all better judgement and they'll most likely just rattle something off while they take off running as quick as they can.

Listen closely enough and you might hear tortured screams as they're presumably killed upon reaching the main floor of the lobby. It was probably inevitably, so don't blame yourself.

Anyway, moving on you keep going past the dungeon, and you'll finally find the room with the furnace and breakers to reset. It shouldn't take long to flip them back, but they'll continue to trip on and off for a while and may require multiple groups to make a return trek down to reset them until the demons finally correct the issues with the wiring that is causing these outages.

Speaking of issues with the wiring and what may have caused them... Hang around the bar or lobby enough, or around any area of the community, and you may hear muttering of something called The Veiled Order from beyond the gates. Some of the demons seem excited, others seem nervous. If asked, the demons may brush guests off. If drunk enough or given proper incentive, they may tell a story about a group of rebellious demons that Lucifer tried to cast out. They were damned to live in the burnt forests outside the gates, but sometimes, they still cause trouble.

Apparently, they thought they could be better rulers than Lucifer and were quite discontent with how he maintains Hell.

Some may say they're worried the Order is causing mischief by messing with the hotel, having had ample opportunity to sneak back within the gates. Others will laugh heartily and insist that it's a dumb tale to scare young demons, nothing more. Certainly nothing to worry about.

Another thing guests may overhear or bribe out of demons around the bar or club is talk about the call of infernal nightmares. If pressed for more info, the demons won't give much beyond the fact that it's a miserable thing, entirely miserable.

Prompt II

Apparently what the goblin-like demons accidentally set free are strange demons that possess fungi, dust, and dirt. They don't seem to quite be from this world, but they're called Coal Tars apparently. They're harmless creatures for the most part, but they do have a love of following around people with dark or sinister natures.

The staff will be offering a reward of a gourmet dinner of the guest's choice if anyone around the hotel will help to capture these little pests and bring them to the front desk. Afterwards, they'll be returned to the basement and locked away again.

Otherwise, people are free to ignore them or laugh at the people who can't seem to shake the little creatures following them around.

Careful though, breathing them in can make your lungs rot. Nasty way to go probably.

REACH UP HIGH

Prompt I
Warnings: cutting, blood, torture.

Whether you've been here for months or you're freshly arrived, your demonic overlord expects some participation. You can try and shirk the responsibility, of course. You can bargain your way out of it for a while. But eventually, you may find yourself trapped in a room just off the gym that's been fondly dubbed the torture room. It has all manner of equipment in there, along with an iron maiden even.

But don't worry about any of that right now. It probably won't be used.

You can try the door, but even with super human strength or every lock picking skill in the book, you won't be able to open it.

It soon becomes apparent what you're supposed to do soon enough when someone else is eventually shoved in with you. Both of your lists of sins will appear on a table that's been placed in the center of the room with two handy knives. You can choose to guard these or not care at all that they're on display.

"Know that honesty is a good place to start on your road to redemption. Sure, it can be terrifying at first, but that's why you've been given a partner in this journey. Pick up your knives and carve at least one sin into each other's flesh. Help in the journey to be candid with everyone you should meet here!"

The voice echoes all around you again, just like in the nightmare, and once again there's the pull to give in. This voice really does seem like it has your best interests at heart.

"If you need a bit of encouragement, we'll be giving it shortly."

It isn't a lie or idle threat either. The longer you wait to do what's been requested of you, the more shallow cuts that will appear on both of your bodies. Are you really prepared to endure this pain when giving in would be so much easier?

And more than that, are you willing to let another suffer along with you?

Eventually, the cuts will stop if you suffer them long enough, but you'll have failed this challenge and sustained more damage than if you'd just gone along with it. Satan will also be very disappointed in you.

Prompt II

"A generous nature is an important part of being a righteous person. Greed is a sin my Father frowns on quite a bit. What I ask you to do today is to go out and find a gift for that special someone or friend of yours and give them something to smile over."

With the items available in the basement and the shop in the hotel carrying a few new items, Lucifer would like to spread the good will of gift giving. It doesn't matter if you're not well acquainted with each other yet. You don't need to be! Anyone can spread cheer by giving a gift.

And if you don't, expect to be in excruciating pain for a few hours, and struggling for a breath. If you can't share a gift, then you don't deserve to share all that oxygen, do you?

FOLLOW ME DOWN

Prompt I
Warnings: Alcohol and drug abuse, potential non-con/dub-con.

With all the sinners, new and old, the bar will be lit up with activity and absolutely bustling with guests and demons alike. Food and drinks will be readily available and provided by hotel staff (although they might not always know what humans eat. What do you mean, you don't like fried kitten?), music will be blaring, and overall, there will be an energy to the atmosphere that's absolutely contagious. Even if you aren't typically inclined to linger at these sorts of events, there will be a certain pull to stay and have a bit of fun.

You may not get much of a chance to have that in hell after all. So one drink won't hurt, right? Nor will one more after that.

There will also be every sort of party drug available that might tickle your fancy. There's no harm in experimenting, is there? You're already in hell and the staff is handing it out and so helpfully showing you how to use it, or recommending a type that would suit what you want.

You've presumably done your atonement for the day, yes? So cut back a bit, let loose. Hell might be pain and torment, but it's also a nonstop party in the bar.

There's even a brand new stage and a karaoke machine for those feeling brave!

Ask the staff demons very nicely and you may even get less scrupulous drugs as well. Things that will convince your fellow damned souls to tell only the truth for a fun prank, or perhaps even potions that will make someone so enamored with you, they won't take their eyes, or hands, off you. How dare they give you the cold shoulder earlier, right? You've got them now.

There are also tables set up for all sorts of gambling and various bar games to entertain yourself with. Since currency as most are familiar with it doesn't quite exist down here, most of the demons seem to be accepting bits of your soul, if you're in a gambling mood. You may also get pulled into a fun game of strip poker against one of your fellow guests for a few succubi that are having a night out.

Relax and enjoy your night. Coming here and facing your sins is the hard part, so surely you deserve to have a little fun, right?

Prompt II
Warnings: sex, aphrodisiacs, potential dubcon/noncon, potential kinks.

The club within Penance has always offered many options for debauchery, but now it seems they're stepping things up a bit. There are themed rooms for sex machines (the same that were present at the carnival) that can be controlled by a demon or a partner. If asked, they'll gladly set you up on stage to put on a performance for the entire club.

They won't side eye you for any other kink you ask for either, however depraved it is.

But the succubi are handing out potions again, that can be taken willingly or not. The purpose of them is to strip away all of your inhibitions... or in certain cases, your mind as well as your will. It will leave those who take the potion as a perfect little pet or slave for someone.

It doesn't matter if you're generally strong-willed or not interested in submitting. You'll find yourself wanting to please someone until it's the most important thing on your mind. Maybe until it's the only thing on your mind. It doesn't even matter if you generally hate or adore the person you've attached yourself to, you'll find yourself sinking down on your knees anyway.

This is the perfect time to play out all those daddy kinks, domination and submission scenes, or perhaps a bit of pet play. It doesn't matter what theme of the game you choose, you're suddenly all for it no matter what.

Because you just want to make someone happy, even if what makes them happy is hurting you as much as pampering.

MISC.
Thanks for joining us for our fourth test drive meme, sinners! Reserves are now open for the upcoming app round on August 1st

If you want to speak with Lucifer, you're free to text or pray to him right here

If you let a demon loose in the dungeon, reply here to see what tidbit of info they revealed!

If you have a comment, suggestion, etc. please go here!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I can't say I actually looked. You know me. When danger calls . . .

[It was, and was not, a joke. Steve knew he was ridiculous and he didn't mind poking fun at himself, but there was a note of something else in his voice when he spoke. And there was a hesitance in his manner. He was holding back deliberately, and it was awkward. If he hadn't known the man was already troubled, he would have come in touching and whispered all manner of things in the man's ear as he slid the box into James' hands. He would have been confident the gift would be well-received and he'd probably have carried the man off for more sex.

Unfortunately that wasn't the way things had fallen out.]

What kind of entertaining things did you find James? I can't imagine what you consider "entertaining."

[ James smiled faintly, nodding. Jokes seemed to fall a little flat when the air felt so stiff around them. He'd shared so much with Steve, too much even, but now it was so difficult for things to be comfortable. He knew but didn't want to think about why. ]

You know I like books, and journals. And I like music. I found old record players, some small portable ones. Little trinkets and games. Things... uh, like that.

[ He shrugged like it was no big deal, fidgeting with his glass before taking a long sip. Finally he could wait no longer. ]

Thought you had something for me?

Yeah. I know you like the written word.

[It was such an odd, charming detail; a spaceman loving such a old fashioned format as books. James liked to journal. He'd given him one in fact, and Steve treasured it, though he hadn't managed to write even a single word inside it yet. Steve was afraid he'd ruin it somehow by writing the wrong thing. But he did take it out often and stroke the covers, thumb through the blank pages. It was one of the few gifts he'd ever been given, at least that he still had. When he woke up, he'd discovered that while his possessions had been preserved even with his supposed death, they were all in museums.

Steve blinked at the blunt question and huffed a soft laugh, looking down.]

I did say that, didn't I? I might have been a little premature though. I mean, I don't wanna saddle you with something you'll hate having to look at. I'd thought . . . mn.

[He dug into his pocket, pulling out the wrapped box, which looked a little battered. Steve turned it over in his hands several times before finally sighing and holding it out towards the man, glancing at James with a hopeful expression.]

You don't have to keep it, really. It isn't any great treasure.

[ He did love old-fashioned things, more than anyone else in his time. It was something he seemed to share with his Starfleet counterpart, though Jim of course had more freedom to indulge back in his own reality. In James's worlds, such personal likes and hobbies were best kept secret.

He looked down at the box curiously when Steve pulled it out, and immediately took it as soon as Steve held it out for him. He tried to act casual but he did seem to be a little eager as he unwrapped the box, then opened it to find the little figurine inside.

It took him a while, seconds actually, to say anything, as he took out the piece carefully and examined it. Then he looked at Steve, eyes wide. ]

You made this?

[He was scared, terrified actually. It was Steve's heart that was racing and his breath came too fast and shallow as he watched James all but tear into the box. He tensed in the silence, staring at the man, and when James finally looked up he held his breath.

The simple question scared him worse, all but inflectionless though James' eyes didn't seem angry. He gave a slight nod and realized one of his hands was leaving depressions in the wood of the bar he was gripping it so tightly. Steve relaxed his hand and ducked his head, unable to hold that gaze.]

Yeah. When I saw what it was turning into, I knew it was yours. But you really don't have to keep it, I promise I won't be offended. It's just a little wood . . .

[When the first wolf started to emerge from the wood, he knew who he had in mind for the finished piece. He hadn't known when he'd give it to James, or if the man would want it, but it couldn't have been given to anyone else. Steve had carved it with James in mind, and he'd put more than a little love into the crafting.]

[ James wasn't angry, not in the least. But he was pretty speechless. He couldn't quite process how this made him feel, or what it might mean. He hadn't ever been given a lot of gifts, and he was sure none of them had ever been handmade, so this was...

It was unique, and special, and all his. No one else would have another one like it, and it was beautiful.

And what it might mean terrified him. What it might say about Steve's feelings for him. It was like all those things Steve had said during the gala, they hadn't been a direct confession but they had come so close that James was still struggling to figure out what to do about it. For someone who saw sentiment as a weakness, being this close to someone was a constant danger. In a place like this, all the more so.

But it didn't really matter, did it? At this point, even if nothing more happened between them, James knew that anyone could use Steve against him, and they would be successful. He was exposed.

Setting the figurine down carefully inside the box, he let it rest on the counter next to his drink. Wordlessly he cupped Steve's face and pulled him down, just enough that he could kiss him, slow and chaste. ]

It's mine. I'm keeping it.

[He shuddered at the soft kiss, the tension running out of him. Steve's hand came up to cup the man's nape, speaking against James' mouth between more tender, fleeting kisses.]

Please don't hate me James. I'll never mention it, I swear. Ever.

[He could guess a lot about the man based on behavior and things that had been said, but he didn't know everything. Steve let his lips travel the distance from one corner or James' mouth to the other, trying to keep the man with him. If he let go, James would surely leave. He'd become a liability in the man's eyes, he knew it, but he didn't know how to reassure James it wasn't something to worry about. James was at much greater risk than he ever would be.]

[ James broke from the kiss with a soft shudder, eyes flicking up to meet Steve's. ]

Mention what?

[ He was so lost in the moment, it didn't even click in his head that Steve was talking about the gala, and the effect those drinks had had on them. It didn't even cross his mind to leave, either. Not anymore, anyway. What was the sense of giving in and kissing Steve, only to pull away and run the moment he was freed from Steve's grip? ]

All of it. None of it. Whatever it is you don't want to remember.

[His fingers massaged James' nape and his eyes were soft, pleading. Stay. That was what his eyes begged. Stay. He closed his eyes, swallowing hard.]

I just want to be with you James. No strings. No promises. Just whatever you want from me. And it's just a little wood. Not a r-ring.

[Steve winced as he stumbled over the word, but what else could he say? He knew that was never going to happen with anyone, but he could surely at least keep the casual thing he had going with James, couldn't he? Had he really ruined everything? He met James' eyes again, dreading what he might see.]

No. It’s beautiful, and it’s mine.

[ He closed his eyes, lingering, indulging in the feeling of Steve so close to him. It was so easy to want to give in, and so difficult to remember why he shouldn’t. Steve didn’t even need to put any real effort into keeping him in place. James had no desire to go anywhere. ]

I can’t believe... you made that for me. [ His eyes were uncharacteristically full of warmth, and he struggled to bite back a smile, hands brushing through Steve’s hair and the sides of his face. ] Tell me again. How much you want me. Was that true? Or was it just the drugs?

I was glad to. When it started taking shape, there was no one else it could go to. It . . . I thought about you, as I carved it. I wanted to do it. I wanted to give you something special, something no one else could give you.

[If he couldn't give his love, at least he could give a little nick nack. A poor substitute, but at least it was something. Steve leaned into James' touches, straining to be closer even as he held himself back. He was so scared of driving the man away. He winced at the request, and the questions. Steve met James' eyes, opening his mouth to answer then closing it again.

He gave James a crooked smile, trying to play it off as a joke, because that was the only safe thing to do. If he was honest . . .]

James I . . . You should be more careful. You shouldn't ask things like that. I might actually answer.

[ It wasn't a poor substitute. It meant more to James than he could put to words. Then again, his reaction probably spoke volumes. He'd been so ready to dismiss Steve, when he thought he'd just give him some cheap trinket he's found down at the basement. A convenient gift, a placating gesture, meant only to appease him.

This was so much more. ]

If I didn't want an answer, then I wouldn't ask.

[ He curled his fingers into Steve's jacket in a firm fist, tugging just enough to force him to look him in the eye. ]

What is it? You didn't mean it, then, is that it? Tell me the truth, Steve.

[When James fisted his jacket, something inside his chest eased a little. Steve leaned in, lips grazing the man's cheek on the way to his ear. His fingers curled around James' wrist, holding it tightly enough he'd have a hard time trying to get away. His other hand held James' nape, another way to keep the man from running.

No point in not taking precautions.]

I wasn't the one who got drugged. I've never lied to you James. About anything. I meant every word, every touch. You're mine.

[He tightened his hands on the man as he spoke the last word, very possibly bruising James' wrist. But he could never be sure of the man's reaction, and he wasn't losing James, even if he had to lie from that moment on and somehow take it all back.]

[ The tighter hold didn't scare him. If anything it excited him, breath hitching and pulse picking up. He shuddered all over when he felt Steve's breath move up to his ear, his head tilting invitingly, and he wet his own lips and closed his eyes as he took in the words.

It was stronger than him. As terrified as he'd been about facing his own feelings, he couldn't resist the allure of being adored by someone else, of being wanted and worshiped the way Steve seemed to. He let out a soft breath, hitching into a sharp hiss, his head tilting so he could brush his lips over Steve's own. ]

Good. [ He licked into Steve's mouth then, not quite locking their mouths in a kiss. Just tasting him, teasing him, moaning softly when he tried and failed to pull his wrist from Steve's hard grip. He knew Steve wouldn't cause any lasting damage, though, so he didn't tell him to stop. ] Better make sure everyone knows I'm yours.

[Steve heard all the man's little tells, but he wasn't in the right frame of mind to tell what they meant immediately. That was the worst part of nerves; they colored everything negatively. Even though James didn't pull away and actually leaned towards him, it wasn't until he heard the words that he really believed.

His breath left him in a rush and he kissed James back, feeling shaky and light-headed with relief. He smiled against the man's mouth, flexing his hand around James' wrist as the man pulled. It would definitely bruise, but he knew James wouldn't care. James never cared if he left marks. The man liked the violence, and Steve was usually glad to give it to him. There was a deep well of darkness in Steve he didn't tap often, but with James? It was easy as breathing to give the man what he wanted.]

[Steve shuddered at the idea of being able to lay a claim on James, but that was surely just talk. Wasn't it? He wouldn't really want some sort of claim that was visible to others, would he? He traced James' bottom lip with his tongue, nipping it before sucking away at the tiny hurt, trying to think.]

You're serious? About . . . claiming you? So other people would know? You'd really be . . . you'd really be mine? Something special that's just us?

[There was no way either of them could be talking about building a life together, though Steve certainly wouldn't have said no to the idea, but he wasn't sure exactly what they were saying. The hotel wasn't an environment that encouraged monogamy. Steve knew he could do that and be perfectly happy, but he wasn't sure it was in James' nature to live that way. And he wouldn't ask it. The real question was what was realistic to ask for. He had a feeling the man already had an idea what he wanted.]

[ Steve's direct questions were sobering, to say the least. James had been trying to goad him to do something out here, at the bar, where people could definitely see, but Steve clearly was miles ahead already. He was so far down the road James hadn't even thought about going down that path.

He blinked slowly, and pulled back his head, staring at Steve. His eyes were bright and wide, all his thoughts jumbling and wheels turning behind the gaze, slotting pieces together, making sense of this, of what he really wanted. ]

I'll be yours.

[ He started with a soft remark, plain and simple. His free hand slid down to rest over Steve's chest, then he pressed, as though to keep them just a couple of inches away. ]

But I'm not just going to be yours. You can't ask that of me, Steve. It doesn't mean... What we have, it'll still be-- special. [ The word made his heart flutter, and he loathed the sensation. Steve made him feel so weak. ]

If that's what you want. But I can't give you more than that.

[Steve stared at the man, a slow smile dawning on his face as he watched the wheels turning. So, the guy had just been blowing smoke. At first anyway. Dear god that was sexy! He didn't know why, but watching James think was . . . wow! The hand on his chest said a lot though, and he covered James' hand with his own gently. Steve sighed and bent his head, understanding perfectly.]

I would never ask the impossible James. This place doesn't make monogamy reasonable, and I'm not trying to ask for it. We don't have to be monogamous to have something special. It's . . . the emotions. The connection. For me at least. And maybe finding a few things that we happen to enjoy, and keeping them just for us? Maybe? But I'd never ask you to give anyone up, and I assume you'd be just as understanding.

[There were other people Steve was fond of in the hotel and he didn't want to suddenly say goodbye to them either. Just because he was wired to long for that single person and the picket fence didn't mean he couldn't be just as happy with other arrangements. He just happened to be in love with James, otherwise they wouldn't be having a conversation. It was something that had gotten him nothing but pain back on the island. If James hadn't insisted, he would have kept it to himself, just for safety's sake. No sense running the man off and making himself miserable too.]

I don't care who you fuck.

[ He shrugged, lips pursed. He could be pretty jealous and possessive, but it was of other things, smaller gestures. He likely would be more irritated to find Steve kissing someone or smiling sheepishly at them or holding their hand than he would be if he walked in on him ramming that person against a wall in a frenzy. ]

Think that sounds alright, yes. We can manage that.

[ He thought so, anyway. Not much would change, would it? That in itself was a small comfort, because James wouldn't know how to handle a normal relationship to begin with. ]

As long as you can manage having Jim around, too. No matter what, he's always going to be around. [ And he cared about him in a way that wasn't too different from Steve. He just didn't want another jealousy scene like that one after the Carnival. ]

[He blinked at the man. Steve knew James could be possessive, it was obvious from just interacting period, but if fucking other people wasn't what the guy cared about, what was? He frowned a little, curling his fingers around the hand on his chest. Clearly it was going to take a lot more conversation to make something between them work. It was a good thing he thought it was worth the effort!

Steve sighed at the mention of Jim, his frown turning troubled. That was . . . complicated. He wasn't jealous, not exactly, but he wasn't sunshine and rainbows over the man either. Jim was a nice man, and sexy, and fun. But he didn't feel anything beyond friendship and lust for him. There was none of the intensity and deep emotional attachment he felt for James, and frankly, he wasn't sure he could share. Steve knew he'd probably act badly again in the face of provocation, even if logically he knew there was no basis for it. He gave James' hand a squeeze, wishing he'd lied.

He was about to lose everything, he just knew it.]

I shouldn't have said anything James. I shouldn't have put you in this position.

[ James was kind of trying for honesty, here. He could've lied, or he could've kept on ignoring Steve, much like he had tried before, but he knew it was to no avail. Sooner or later he always ended up drawn to the man, and he knew why.

So he figured he may as well keep him close. If anyone tried to hurt him, then James would be all the nearer to keep him safe. Granted, he knew Steve would be able to take care of himself just fine, but James would still do whatever it took so that Steve couldn't be used as a weapon against him. Especially when he know it would work.

Steve's words got him a little confused, though, and he tilted his head, frowning. ]

What position? [ With a soft groan, he rolled his eyes. ] Come on, Steve. This can't be news to you. Jim and I are close, we pretty much live together. You knew this. He's not gonna stop being a part of my life, even if I am with you.

[There was a sort of relief when James didn't take long to catch on, he just wished it wasn't an issue.]

No, I would never ask that. I just . . . I don't feel that way about him. He's nice, he's very nice, and sexy. But I don't love him. He's a friend James. I like to spend time with him, but I'm not in love with him, not even a little. I couldn't . . . I couldn't watch you and him being together in the same room and not be jealous, and even if you asked me to join in again, I'd still be looking more at you the whole time. I don't want to share.

[He looked away, finally reaching for a bottle and a glass. He didn't even care what it was he poured, just wanting the comfort of alcohol and hoping it had been doctored enough to work on him. With the first sip he doubted he'd be that lucky. Steve stared into the glass, unhappy as hell.]

It's alright James. I won't mention it again. You can forget I said anything. It'll be just the way it was before. Just . . . just sex. No strings, no commitments, just lust. I promise. I can keep it to myself. I've done it before. I swear, I won't make it awkward.

[ James's frown only deepened at that, confused for a while, even as Steve explained in clearer words what he meant. Or what he thought James meant, more like. He shook his head, grabbing Steve's arm in a firm grip, suddenly angry that the other man would just let go of him so quickly, like it was so easy for him to just dismiss him, dismiss everything they'd been talking about up until now. ]

I'm not asking you to be with him. I'm telling you I'm gonna be with him, too. But you don't have to share me with anyone, not when we're together.

[ He tugged on Steve's arm, moving into his personal space. Demanding, imposing. Unwilling to let Steve just turn his back on him for this one thing. ]

Are you serious? This is a deal breaker for you? Even though you knew already that Jim's... important to me?

[Stepping back was one of the most painful things Steve could contemplate doing. A deep, dark chasm was already opening up, ready to swallow him. He'd known going in it was getting serious, that he was risking the same scenario all over again, but he reached with both hands anyway, so hungry for the man it had been impossible to stay away. James called to him in ways no one else did and saying goodbye would tear his heart out. The touch startled him and he stared at James for a moment before he was scowling himself. He met the man's eyes, his own dark with pain and unhappiness. That hand burned him, tight and possessive and everything he wanted, but could he have it?]

As long as I'm not in the same room watching you fuck him, I'll be fine. But I thought you wanted us both? Threesomes and . . . and stuff like that. I don't know if I can do that again. I get so confused, especially since it's really you I want. Jim's nice, but he's not you, and when you're touching him, I'm wishing it was me.

[Steve pushed back, encroaching on James' space, physically pushing the man back against the bar as he straightened up and pressed forward. He still wasn't actively touching James, but he'd made no move to remove that demanding hand. If anything he shifted a little to make it easier to grip him there. Steve thought hard before he spoke, trying to be as blunt and honest as possible.]

I think it has to be a deal breaker James. You don't want me to be a jealous monster, I don't wanna be one, and Jim sure as hell doesn't deserve that shit. But I can't watch you two and not act badly. I . . . I don't share well James. If you're in the room, I want you to be with me. Looking at me, touching me, talking to me. I don't wanna share, even if it's Jim.

[ James wasn't really sure whether Steve was an idiot or if he just hadn't explained himself clearly enough, but on principle he leaned towards the former. It was hard not to just yell at Steve or roll his eyes at him, but an argument probably wasn't the best way to begin a relationship.

Not that he'd know, not having had one ever in his life. ]

I don't care about threesomes. I don't need you to want to be with us both at once. But I don't want you getting snappy at Jim again when you come over and he's just there, hanging out with me or doing whatever. He's going to be there when you show up sometimes. I just want to make sure you're not expecting me to stop seeing him or spending time with him. Or having sex with him.

[ Jim was important to him, difficult though it was to say it out loud. But Steve was important, too. He just didn't want either man forcing him to choose between the two, and he knew Jim for one wouldn't push that choice on him. If Steve did... well, that would be the deal breaker for him. ]

I won't be just yours. I told you this.

Edited 2019-08-01 14:00 (UTC)

[The relief was intense and immediate. Steve lifted his free arm and grabbed the back of James' head, fingers curling in the short hair as he brought his mouth down. They were already pressed chest-to-chest and the distance for a kiss was negligible. Steve just wanted to make sure James didn't get away before he was done. It was a hard, demanding kiss and he shoved his tongue past James' teeth to taste the liquor the man had been drinking on his tongue.

When Steve finally lifted his head enough to breathe, his voice was rough and strained, mumbling against James' mouth.]

Said I wouldn't do that again already. It was me who saved you. I bought you, I nursed you, I held you. You were mine. Mine. And suddenly he was just there. In my bed. I didn't act well but I wasn't expecting it. I'm sorry. Just don't do that again and I can keep my cool. I know you love him, that he's at least as special as me, I just . . . it hurts looking at it. I want you to have him James, all of him. I just don't wanna be taunted with it or anything. I swear, see him all you want, whatever makes you happy. Just don't make me share, please. I can't handle it.

[By the end his voice was a broken whisper. He could live with anything James wanted to do with other people, especially Jim, as long as he didn't have to see it. If it was in front of his face, he couldn't help the way it ate at him, goading him to do something. To take the man back somehow. It wasn't rational, it was a primitive part of Steve that couldn't be reasoned with, so he tried to avoid situations that awoke the beast. That was all he asked for, just not to be put in those situations.

He met James' eyes, his own dark with emotion.]

Just don't make me watch you with someone else, that's all I ask. Do whatever makes you happy, but don't make me watch.

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