penancememes | TEST DRIVE MEME #27

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TEST DRIVE MEME #27

Arrival

"Judgement has come upon you. God has deemed you worthy of Hell. But don't worry, it can still be undone," comes a soothing voice that echoes all around you. The voice promises comfort, hope even.

It may seem like a nightmare at first, despite all of that. Full of hellfire nipping at your skin and a sensation of being pulled down no matter how much you struggle or cry for help. Wretched, unseen hands pull at you, grip tight at your body, tighten on your throat, skeletal fingers grab at your face, slide in your mouth and jab at your eyes as they struggle for purchase. It feels like for a moment, they may snap your neck as they tug and pull. The more you resist, the more phantom hands are added to your struggling body.

It feels like they could tear you apart if you let them. The only thing to do is to let go and stop fighting.

And so you do.

Darkness and nothingness consumes you for a second, but only a second.

Initially, everyone opens their eyes to a long, dark corridor made of stone. They find themselves in what appears to be a long queue with other sinners, palm bloody.

Characters find their bodies feel heavy and stiff, bruised with odd hand prints here and there that they received during their journey down below. A massive headache throbs behind their temples. They are urged forward to take a numbered ticket and wait their turn in the long line. As they're ushered forward through the corridor, their first stop will be to see Lilith, standing outside her office.

The woman in a smart suit and a friendly smile steps forward to greet sinners one by one. "I'm sorry for your rough landing. We've never gotten it quite as smooth as it was in the past. Please, let me see your hand--"

Once she has the sinner's hand, there's the warm, almost electric touch of magic that soothes away the aches and pains, heals the wound left behind on each sinner's palm. Lilith looks satisfied with her work and gives a nod. "There, all better. Please continue on until you reach Death's office. He'll have your contracts ready for you."

There's a slightly wicked twist to her lips. "Please do feel free to ask him about any of those sins listed..."

And so on, sinners travel until they finally arrived at another office where Death sits waiting. Here is where you'll receive a contract detailing all sins committed. If they look at the list closely enough they'll notice it's written on with their blood. That explains the wound then. It's an old piece of parchment despite the freshly written letters upon it. Death will also provide slightly more modern smart phone. Think early generation Android.

Seems as though Hell has moved on up from the very old Blackberry type phone.

Once characters have their device and their contracts, they're ushered further down the hall. It seems to go on and wind forever, but eventually, they come upon the lobby of Penance hotel. Once there, they will notice several shops and other areas around the front desk.

The demon at the front desk looks rather bored, but when sinners approach? He seems to snap to attention to offer whatever help they might need of him. He will at least direct to food or rooms to rest their wary bodies, or recommend sights to see around the hotel.

Stand Your Ground

While the Mares have gone, as per Death's bargain with God, and reconstructing Penance is coming along fairly well, the air is carrying with it a cold crispness that sends a chill down one's spine. Lucifer is still nowhere to be found, and if pressured, staff will say he's having talks with the other Lords of Hell, as well as God himself. Things need to be worked out, no matter how difficult it is for Lucifer to accept and swallow his pride. He won't be around to offer warmth to the Penance community and it may, in fact, be mirroring his current mood.

Or it may be the creeping sense of doom that's following so many around now that The Veiled Order has been able to nearly complete their next spell. Local demons will plainly say that God won't help them against this threat, that he doesn't care if Hell is destroyed, and others will be very hush about the situation entirely. No need to scare the local sinners, new or old!

Instead just enjoy the reopening businesses around the local area! Nothing is off-limits. Hellburbia seems to have suffered some extensive damage recently, but not to worry! There's talk of building back better than ever.

Other than that, Helluva Cup has a new spiced drink... and spiced everything. That's right! Pumpkin spice has apparently come early this year... and it may be a bit overpowering and in everything in the coffee shop, regardless of what you order. Even Bean, the 'friendly' hell rat the owner keeps in the shop seems to be feasting on pumpkin flavored meat. That's probably okay. Right?

Penance Library is offering a special reading of Leviathan-specific reads. The local goblins will be doing readings every afternoon for all who care to listen or to stick around and discuss it. These will all be fictional in nature, not historic texts.

Strangely enough, there seems to be a sort of curfew happening. While everyone will not be expected to be in the hotel necessarily, they must take shelter in the newly opened Club Penance, Casino Styx, Hella Shorty's, or other establishments. They must either stay the night in these establishments or be escorted to the hotel by demonic guards. These guards will be doing rounds around the Penance community to ensure no one is out alone. Do not fight them or they may surprise you with how strong they can be.

Additionally, anyone caught defying curfew knowingly or fighting back will be locked in their rooms for up to three days as a potential danger to the community as a whole. There are all sorts of dangers lurking out there and the demons are absolutely trying to keep everyone as safe as they can!

Otherwise, it's business as usual around Penance, so go on an exploration! Bundle up against the cold! Have fun!

Reach Up High

WARNINGS: cutting, blood, torture

Whether you've been here for months or you're freshly arrived, your demonic overlord unfortunately expects some participation despite the current state of things. You can try and shirk the responsibility, of course. You can bargain your way out of it for a while. But eventually, you may find yourself trapped in a room just off the gym that's been fondly dubbed The Torture Room. It has all manner of equipment in there, along with an iron maiden even.

But don't worry about any of that right now. It probably won't be used.

You can try the door, but even with super human strength or every lock picking skill in the book, you won't be able to open it.

It soon becomes apparent what you're supposed to do when someone else is eventually shoved in with you. Both of your lists of sins will appear on a table that's been placed in the center of the room with two handy knives. You can choose to guard these or not care at all that they're on display.

"Unfortunately, due to Father coming back into the picture, I know that He will demand punishment be delivered despite our circumstances. I have chosen a rather easy one, focused on honesty and acceptance of your sins. Please pick up a knife and choose a sin from each of your lists to carve upon your skin. Aid each other in your journey, carve the words to help your fellow penitent be candid with everyone around them!"

The voice rings out within the sinners' heads as it always does, although Lucifer seems agitated at the moment, hesitant in some way that he usually isn't.

"I do apologize for this. If it was up to me, you would have been free of additional torment this month. However, there will be additional incentive for anyone who should try to resist the task I've appointed them."

It isn't a lie nor an idle threat either. The longer you wait to do what's been requested of you, the more shallow cuts that will appear on both of your bodies. Are you really prepared to endure this pain when giving in would be so much easier?

And more than that, are you willing to let another suffer along with you?

Eventually, the cuts will stop if you suffer them long enough, but you'll have failed this challenge and sustained more damage than if you'd just gone along with it. Satan will also be very disappointed in you.

Follow Me Down

Prompt I: Reopening

WARNINGS: sex, drugs, alcohol, aphrodisiacs, body changes, potential kinks, violence, potential non-con or dub-con.

Club Penance is finally back! And with themed nights to start off all the fun. This night's theme is: Anything But Clothes. Guests who enter the adult oriented side of the club will notice the incubi and succubi who serve in it are entirely without clothes (and any ounce of shame!). They're eager to get right back to business. They're very encouraging of others to do the same whether it be immediately or in sexy strip shows.

On their trays, they offer drinks and drugs of all sorts. Shows are being put on on the stage as usual, the offer of sex demos with guest participation are still on the table.

As usual, these demons play under respectable rules in the club, safe words and all. They will also gladly exit the stage and let guests entirely run the show. They're on their best behavior tonight, even if the natural aphrodisiacs they give off seem to be amped up

Guests who refused to undress may also find their clothes randomly disappearing, or being torn off by some eager patron or demon who is a bit too into the theme! Ah, well, no need to worry too much. There will be costumes and lingerie to slip on to go home in. There's absolutely nothing wrong with a walk of shame back to the hotel in nothing but a thong, they'll assure. It's just another night in Hell.

For those who are really adventurous, there are also special concoctions that the club offers. These include:

Frenzy ○ The drug will be given to anyone anyone who asks for it. It can be snorted, injected, taken in pill form, or smoked given user preference.

Despite the questionable name, guests who partake really will feel the best they've possibly ever felt. They won't need sleep or to rest, but they won't necessarily feel the strain on their bodies either. They'll be full of energy and their mood will be amazing with no hint of nightmares or dreams anywhere.

The demons won't let anyone come down either, not once they've started and not until they're told a guest doesn't want any more.

Even then, they may still try to convince them otherwise. It's a party for as long as you can go, or until you completely burn out, it seems.

But with all good things come bad. It seems a side-effect of the drug is an actual frenzy as well. A frenzy for sex or violence or anything a character might want that they deny themselves on the regular. They'll feel this growing hunger, this ravenous need to have and to claim everything they think is theirs.

Some may even fade away into an almost animalistic sort of state.

The more the guest takes, the more they'll experience this sensation. Fighting it won't help either. Though they did sort of bring that one on themselves, didn't they?

Other symptoms of coming down won't be too different to those of other drugs. Fatigue, depression. Guests will begin to feel the effects of staying up for so long without rest or stopping to take care of themselves. They may also feel a certain longing for more, but it can be fought off with enough strength of will.

The drug isn't free either. The succubi expect to be paid in energy or through actual work in the club.

Bond ○ A potion that will bond guests together the minute one speaks to the other. The encouragement is that this should be done consensually, but the demons won't necessarily be checking. Once bonded, guests will feel what the one who took the potion feels. This includes pain and pleasure both with effects lasting a full night. Give someone the most intense pleasure of their lives or torture them until they beg for mercy!

For a really intense experience, both participants can consume the potion with mutual effects.

For the dance oriented portion of the club, the theme is a little more lax. Instead of outright nakedness, patrons may be offered revealing clubwear instead. Things that will look mesmerizing in the lights of the club ranging from neon colors to clothes that seem to flash on the dance floor. The music will be thrumming in the air, pumping down to your very bones as you dance the night away, and all patrons will feel good. It will feel as if they could actually dance all night if they so wanted, even without the aid of any drugs.

It will be an all night rave with all the party drugs and drinks one could want! Live music plays all night. The band also loves to receive requests, so knock yourself out! They seem to strangely know any song they're asked to play.

Knock yourself out, give up any care in the world and have fun. You're already in Hell, so don't you deserve to feel good for a while?

Prompt II: Your Average Hotel Night

WARNINGS: Alcohol and drug abuse, potential non-con/dub-con

With all the sinners, new and old, the hotel bar will be lit up with activity. Drinks will be readily available, there's food in the kitchens if anyone wants to bother serving it, music will be blaring whenever there's electricity, and overall, there will be an energy to the atmosphere that's absolutely contagious. Even if you aren't typically inclined to linger at these sorts of events there may be be a certain pull to stay and have a bit of fun.

You might not get much of a chance to have that in Hell, after all. One drink won't hurt, right? Nor will one more after that, and after that. Ah, sweet gluttony. Why not have a pastry next? There's some delectable sweets available just a few steps away. More of a meat person? Like things salty? Fear not, it looks like someone graciously brought all sorts of snacks and foodstuffs from the kitchens to the bar as the night progresses. Indulge! You deserve it.

Similar to Club Penance, the bar also has every sort of drug available that might tickle your fancy and some you've never heard of. There's no harm in experimenting, is there? You're already in Hell. The staff will offer to show anyone how to use the drugs or give advice for what to try if you tell them what you want to experience. Shockingly, they won't lie! Their advice is good word its just you might not have been exactly prepared for it.

There's a stage and a karaoke machine for those feeling brave or just wanting to torture people with some sweet, sweet renditions of The Devil Went Down to Georgia.

There are tables set up for all sorts of gambling and various bar games to entertain yourself with. Since currency as most are familiar with it doesn't quite exist down here, most of the demons seem to be accepting bits of your soul or offers to do chores around the hotel. You may also get pulled into a fun game of strip poker against one of your fellow guests for a few succubi that are having a night out.

Relax and enjoy your night. Coming here and facing your sins is the hard part, so surely you deserve to have a little fun.

Wildcard/Misc.

Don't see something you love but still want to get a feel for the game? Check out our extensive list of LOCATIONS and write up your very own prompt however you'd like to! You can also add a "NETWORK" post option to your TL for quick, easy, and fun interactions.

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Caleb watched Essek, looked at the way his eyes moved over the marks and the damage, that urgent inspection that was carefully guarded but also intensely readable for a moment.

He had seen Essek enact so many different layers of violence for so many different reasons. Seen his offensive and defensive elements. He knew the details of dunamancy that Essek might be considering to rectify these marks on his skin, because they were the same he had already considered.

For no other reason than the tension needed to be broken, Caleb found himself quietly saying, "You could just ask me to take my trousers off. No. Just above the waist."

It was easy to know he was caught, that Caleb – even now – knew enough about him that he could figure out Essek’s train of thought. His eyes flickered up to meet his, staring, fighting the urge to just take those trousers off for him. Nothing sexual, no, but just to push back on that little smartass remark.

“Try not to strain yourself as you do then,” he chided back. “I would hate for you to bleed out on the floor without a cleric in a hundred miles.”

He turned his back to the other man, giving him privacy as he removed his own cloak, the mantle, and finally the shirt, folding what he could neatly. His own trousers remained on, as he had no intention of getting in the bath; he simply didn’t want the burden of his clothes getting wet. Essek sighed, listening for Caleb, not thinking about how his eyeless back faced him, or the few new scars that marked his skin were on display.

“Please let me know when I can turn around.”

He had miscalculated the levity.

Essek turned away, and Caleb lowered his gaze. It had only been a month since they had stood in this bathroom for a very different reason, and given everything that had happened in the last weeks, all the ways he looked right now, it had been tactless and boorish to make the joke in the first place. Jester could have pulled it off, probably. But not Caleb. Too deadpan.

He took off his trousers and underwear quietly and, after turning off the tub, sank into the water. It was not too full, which was good, because he really wasn't sure if he wanted the water to touch any of his wounds though he knew that would be part of this.

He had to sit awkwardly in the tub, back toward the faucet, so that the worse of his arms was facing out. His eyes cast to Essek, all that lean, dark skin, and then he looked away, faintly flush.

"Ja."

Ah, but Caleb had not; Essek just…had a difficult time, preoccupied with his concern, his frustration, and his need to go over and kiss him and tell him exactly how he felt. The complex questions of Is this the same as his own Caleb? Is this just an Echo of a timeline? sometimes tried to sway him, but even then, it was Caleb.

It was…always Caleb.

He turned around and any hope of not blushing went away; he could feel the color in his ears. This bathroom was proving itself to be a dangerous place for both of them, it seemed, charged and electric and something to maneuver carefully in. The water on Caleb’s skin was only marred by the red eyes, the blood, the marks.

Violet eyes softened, and he grabbed a cloth from the sink before kneeling down beside the tub.

“That does not look comfortable,” he softly teased, dipping the washcloth into the water, and carefully running it down one Caleb’s arms, hoping to wash away the blood. He made a point not to look down, even if he had seen everything on this wizard all before.

“I can pause if it hurts.” But not stop completely. This needed to happen.

It did hurt. Caleb knew it was going to hurt. He grunted softly at the first swipe of the washcloth, his mouth screwing up around whatever half-playful retort he had formulated for Essek's teasing. It never resurfaced. Instead, he stayed as still as he could, watching Essek's face.

Washing the blood away made it more clear, where things were burns and where they were simple, quick cuts and where it was clumsy, erratically carved words.

There were a couple spots where the old, deep scars Trent had given him were flayed away by the sin. Caleb was staring intently at one such place, where the scar had interfered with the cut itself, and mangled the flesh. He wondered how it would heal, in the end; morbidly, he wondered how much of it would be legible.

His breathing was a little unsteady.

Essek cleaned in silence.

The water ran across skin in rivulets and the soft sound of the drops falling cut through the grunts and burning. The drow’s eyes showed more than he wanted to, brimming with guilt, worry, care no matter how hard he tried to hide it; it had been too long since he had to hide everything against Caleb. The bath grew pink, diluted the more he cleaned, and the red worked itself like poppies into the woven fabric of the washcloth.

They had to hurt, this tangled mass of carved words and charred skin, even if he knew it wasn’t the first time Caleb had suffered through this. He looked to the old scars, the satisfaction of how he had last seen Trent the only thing bringing him comfort.

“I am sorry I was not there to help you,” he muttered, wring out the cloth and trying to wipe the shallow one on his face. His eyes looked to Caleb’s, an open book for him to page through. “And I am sorry that I cannot do more now.”

"If you had been, we would both be in the tub," Caleb said, perhaps a little thoughtless for a moment, while his gaze was still focused on that particular wound. He had not meant that they would be covered in their mutual sins; he would not have carved a word into Essek. He had done that once, with his words, and it was more than enough.

The whole activity had been completely useless. Certainly there was nothing gained by any of this.

Caleb's gaze lifted and he found Essek watching him. His breath caught, somewhere between falling deep into the pit of his stomach and the very back of his throat, and he held tight, just looking at him for a moment. The washcloth swiped the cut on his cheek and held still for it.

"I think this is as clean as things will get," he confessed softly, his voice small. Speaking up felt like it might startle away some of the brighter edges in the look in Essek's eyes, which Caleb was trying desperately to puzzle out as quickly as he could.

“And if we both refused?” he asked softly. Hadn’t he hurt Caleb enough? That disappointment Caleb looked at him with so long ago still burned under his skin; the lies Essek had told him had been impossible to count, all of them tangled into one another, stacking, stacking, a tower of his own that he had sat inside. The way Caleb had looked at him when he had put those manacles on him—

He stopped cleaning for a moment, the washcloth traded to his other hand before he ran his thumb over that shallow cut. He could not break the gaze with Caleb, his own heart hammering somewhere inside.

He didn’t want to lose Caleb. This was the bitter reminder of their own fragility without everyone else: Caleb hurt and bleeding and scarred again and again, haunted by things he was never allowed to forget. It wasn’t fair, but he remembered Fjord’s words and then the soft arm of Caleb around his shoulder and Veth’s and-

Essek dipped in softly pressed his lips to Caleb’s, that hand still on his cheek.

"Only the sins themselves were done by another body in the room. Everything else was...just the room."

All those shallower little cuts, those bits and pieces scattered that showed where hesitation had happened, were just a show of the violence of this place rather than the sadism of someone he had been trapped with. Caleb would have suffered them willingly for Essek, but he wasn't sure he could have suffered Essek subjected to either side of it.

He was prepared to say it, to confess that, when the washcloth moved from his skin. Essek's palm was damp, or Caleb's was, or it didn't matter.

The kiss was gentler than the one a month ago had been, almost chaste, for a moment. Caleb saw it coming, that slow lean in like the gravity had shifted. He tilted his head slightly, aching, sore cheek into the touch there so that the kiss could be just a touch more intent without it being harder or deeper.

This was a mistake. He should have kissed his forehead, his cheek, something that could have been easily misconstrued as something else, as something friends exchanged, as they had in the past.

But Caleb’s lips were soft and familiar and Essek was- was so-

afraid

of losing him. Of having him. Of ruining everything. Of not finding a way for them to return.

Slowly, he pulled back enough to break apart, resting his forehead against the other man’s with his damp eyelashes still closed. His lips were still warm, the sensation of kissing Caleb something that would haunt him for days to come.

“You should come out of the bath so that I can bandage you.” As if he hadn't just kissed him. As if he wasn't still right there.

There was a moment, a long, breathless moment, where their foreheads touched and where Caleb was sure, he was very sure, he could have kissed him again. There had been so many moments that he had thought of kissing Essek, and this was closer to those than Essek's arrival had been, but it still wasn't--

No, this wasn't how it was supposed to be. Him damaged and hurting, sitting in cooling water with his blood diluted through it, Essek lingering like this was the last time it might ever happen.

He touched Essek's arm gently, slowly, from his elbow to his shoulder, until he could cup the back of the drow's neck.

"You have to move if I am to get out," he pointed out gently. As if he was helping with that, keeping Essek close.

There was the smallest little gasp as he felt the hand at back of his neck, keeping him there.

Caleb. Caleb, you utterly impossible man.

For a moment, he didn’t move, just listed to the water and their breathing. It was close, too close, and it reminded him of a battlefield when Caleb was bloody and grabbing him by the back of his neck as they pressed their foreheads together. It reminded of lips pressed to his forehead after bitter confessions. It reminded him of every time they visited each other in the post-Aeor world, when Essek was so excited to see him again, just another time and never for long enough.

His eyes opened, a little too bright, before he said, “And you have to let me go, Caleb Widogast. Unless you want to remain right where you are.”

He did.

Not in the bath, but the entanglement was nice. The closeness, the quiet noise of breathing and the warmth, the potentiality. Caleb did want to stay right like this.

But he let the hand drop, down the front of Essek's chest--rather, across the front of his neck briefly, his collarbone, the very top of his chest, before he retracted the touch with such obvious regret that it felt like looking at Jester's Spiritual Weapon, garish and glaring.

"Will you get a towel?"

His heart hammered in his chest as that hand went down him, traced a path that ignited every part of him it touched, that touch of fire. And free now, he had no reason to stay in this orbit, the gravity thinned, so he backed away.

Inches felt like miles.

“I have them on the sink,” he offered quietly, but pulled away even more and straightened, hovering there. He turned his back to Caleb to let him get out of the bath in mild privacy, but held out the towel for him to take.

“I can leave the room if that is more comfortable for you?” Especially after all that.

Caleb shook his head, which was foolish, since Essek wasn't looking at him. Like he was ashamed. Maybe he was. Caleb tucked the kiss away, low and soft in his chest, and carefully let himself out of the tub. He pulled the plug on the tub to drain it and took the towel from him, avoiding Essek's fingers as carefully as he could.

"No, that is alright," he said softly. Even if they hadn't just kissed in the midst of these heightened emotions, Essek had just been sitting beside the tub, cleaning him.

He toweled off as best he could, then wrapped the towel around his waist. "Bandages in here or...the common room?"

He would have said his room but that suddenly seemed dangerous territory.

It was never shame, no. At least it was not shame at Caleb, instead just leveled at his own weakness and fear that he wouldn’t be able to say no next time. Shame that he wouldn’t want to.

He listened as the water was sucked down and turned when he thought it was safe. The towel was secure around Caleb’s waist and here, in this unforgiving lighting, the wounds looked angry, but clean.

Common room or here. Or-

“Common room or the bedroom. There is more room to work.”

They had handled the bedroom in the face of temptation before; Essek was certain they could do it again.

Since it was Essek who volunteered retreating to the bedroom, Caleb nodded. That suggested it was a safe option, the privacy of those four walls and the door concealing the damages done.

He stepped past Essek quietly. He almost touched his arm and then stopped, his fingers still slightly lifted.

"Let's go to the bedroom," he said softly. "In case my suitemate comes back, I do not think she has been subject to these same sorts of things before. Even if this is the tale end of things."

Essek didn’t notice the almost-touch, a silent moment that slid by in the night. Instead, he gathered up the first aid kit and followed him to the bedroom, floating along quietly.

Was kissing him a mistake? Yes. Yes, it probably was, it could change anything, everything, nothing, and he couldn’t tell. He needed to research more, learn about timelines, about all of it before he makes another decision, before he could decide to tell Caleb everything or nothing.

“Suitemate?” Caleb hadn’t spoken of her much to him, and his eyebrow curiously arched. He closed the door behind them when they made it to his bedroom, leaving them in privacy. “What is she like?”

"I have not seen much of her, actually," Caleb said thoughtfully, now that he thought of it. He was aware of the presence of another body, but they kept different hours, and he had never been one to nose in with someone unfamiliar if they weren't right there, either. Lately, the suite had been mostly quiet, only he marking the comings and goings. But it had never been noisy.

He sat on the bed as Essek shut the door and, for a moment, he watched him. His breath was caught, low and shivering at the top of his chest as his heart pounded. Pain, it was just the pain.

"Have you spoken much with the people you live with right now?" Was he working on making connections? Friendship had helped him live a new life. Speaking of such things helped to distract him from everything else.

For a second, Essek simply floated at the door, watching him. Remembering Caleb’s scent mixed with the bathwater and the way his hand dipped over his bare chest, the touch of his lips and that look in his eye.

And then he remembered too late that his shirt, his cloak, were still in the other room, and now he simply hovered in his trousers and boots.

“Not much, mostly in passing.” He made his way across the room, setting the kit on the bed as he began to root through it. “I fear making friends is still…difficult for me.”

Connections. They were easier to make than they had been when he first laid eyes on Caleb, holding up the beacon in court, but he still had far to come and much to learn. Connections tended to lead itself to trust, and…well…

He took out the gauze. “I…did meet some people during the situation with the Mares. One had an interesting magic he showed me.”

Some people during that situation. They had been separated a few times, to look for supplies that were still good and to give each other much needed space when things became too tense, and especially in those first few days when it was clear that the decision to leave the sanatorium might not have been the right one. And a magic user.

Caleb knew there were others. Wylan had mentioned that he knew some from his world, called Grisha, and Caleb had seen a couple more while on the island as well.

He chewed on the inside of his cheek, tracking Essek's movement. "Ja?"

“Mm.” He grabbed the scissors, laying them out, and drew in a bit closer. Fingers slowly held one end of the gauze in place as he slowly began to wind it around that wounded chest. Was he doing this right? He had little clue, but he had seen his own brother’s wounds at least bandaged in the same fashion.

As long as he could make the words disappear…

“Yes. They called it a different name, ‘merzost’, I believe.” He looked up at him for a second, before back down at the work of the bandages.

“He, however, summoned shadows without components or words. It was fascinating, similar to things we have, but so, so different.”

Caleb chewed the inside of his cheek as Essek wound the bandage, wrapping him gently, attending to the worst of the marks. Essek's hands were still soft and delicate, even in their gentle authority. And he spoke of this interesting fellow he'd met, that he'd waited to mention.

There was no sense in lingering on that, was there? There had been no good time before now, of course. That was all. No good time.

This wasn't a good time either, probably. Essek wasn't looking at him--rather, he was looking at him, but never at him, just at the damage, the gruesome reminders of his sins and fragility. Caleb had no reason to stew in something like jealousy because Essek had spoken to a man, in the midst of fear and terror and anguish, about fascinating magical premises. That was foolish.

He lifted a hand and brushed his fingers against Essek's elbow, making an interested noise.

“I could see through it, so I don’t think it was magical, but it wasn’t natural either. It was so strange inside them, but utterly captivating.”

And he had offered to train this man, teach him a spell or two while Essek learned what he could from him, trying to find other ways to harness those shadows. All this, these bloodied bandages and clothes were a bitter reminder: he needed to become stronger, to have items to protect Caleb. It was a never-ending onslaught here. Mares. Knives. Burns. The things that happened to him before he even arrived.

This agreement was a good thing. An important thing. A—

He felt the touch of his elbow and that sound he had heard before, rarely but before. Fingers slowed their wrapping of the bandages, his head tilting up as he looked at him quizzically, softly.

“Yes, Caleb?”

He wasn't expecting Essek to stop. The noise had been instinctive more than anything else, the touch reactive, and having Essek look at him now demanded too much of what they weren't talking about.

His mouth buzzed with the memory of that kiss, looking at Essek, and with the words of offering to share his components, and of a hundred things done and said, and unsaid, and all the things that Essek knew but would not say.

No wonder he didn't want to talk about that foolish kiss or that clumsy arrival. Why burden yourself with such things when you could unmast the complications. Now, there was this new wizard, or sorcer, or grisha, whatever he was, with his new magic, his darkness. Essek needed that.

Caleb hadn't stopped touching his elbow.

"Stay," he whispered. It was not what he had meant to say but it was the word that came out, like when they had read the books together. And then, what he had meant to say: "Don't let your curiosity get the better of you just yet."

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